 Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why do I never feel good enough?” or “Who even am I anymore?” These aren’t just passing thoughts, they often reflect a deeper disconnection from your self-concept, the internal story you carry about who you are, how you relate to others, and what you're worth.
As a humanistic counsellor, I frequently support clients who feel lost in their own identity, stuck between who they think they should be and who they truly are. This blog offers an in-depth but compassionate look at self-concept, grounded in the theories of Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow. It’s written for anyone seeking clarity, healing, and self-understanding, whether you’re in therapy or just beginning to explore your inner world. What is Self-Concept? At its core, self-concept is your answer to the question, “Who am I?” It’s the lens through which you see yourself, made up of the beliefs, experiences, roles, and messages you've absorbed throughout life. Your self-concept forms gradually, beginning in childhood, shaped by family, culture, school, friendships, media, and personal experiences. By adulthood, many of us carry around a well-established identity, but not necessarily a helpful or accurate one. Carl Rogers, a pioneer of humanistic psychology, proposed that self-concept is made up of three main components: 1. Self-Image: How you see yourself Your self-image is the descriptive portrait you hold in your mind about who you are: your personality, appearance, abilities, social roles, and perceived shortcomings. Think of it as the "I am..." statements: “I’m a good listener.” “I’m bad with money.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m the ‘fixer’ in my family.” Self-image is powerful, not because it’s always true, but because we believe it’s true. And often, our self-image is shaped more by how others saw or treated us than by our authentic self. Example: A child repeatedly told they’re “too sensitive” may grow up seeing emotional openness as a flaw, carrying shame for something that’s actually a strength. Therapeutic Insight: In counselling, it’s common for clients to realise their self-image is outdated or inherited, built on criticism, trauma, or misaligned relationships rather than truth. Rewriting this narrative is a key part of self-growth. 2. Ideal Self: Who you think you should be Your ideal self is the version of you that you believe you ought to be, often shaped by internalised expectations, cultural standards, or perfectionism. It includes:
The greater the gap between your self-image and your ideal self, the more likely you are to feel inadequate or like a failure, a state Rogers called incongruence. Example: Someone may see themselves as anxious, but their ideal self is someone who’s always calm and in control. That mismatch can create daily inner tension and shame. Therapeutic Insight: Often, our ideal self is based on unrealistic or externally imposed standards. In therapy, we explore whether your “shoulds” are truly aligned with your values, or if they’re echoes of past pressure or unprocessed wounds. 3. Self-Esteem: How much you value yourself Self-esteem is your overall sense of worth, how much you believe you matter, how deserving you feel of love and respect, and how resilient you are when things go wrong. Low self-esteem isn’t always loud or obvious. It can show up in subtle ways:
Self-esteem is often fragile when it's built on conditional approval, praise only when you succeed, love only when you behave a certain way, attention only when you're useful. Example: A client who learned “I’m only lovable when I’m helpful” may grow into an adult who burns out constantly, saying yes to everything, and resenting it. Therapeutic Insight: True self-esteem grows when we experience unconditional acceptance, both from others and from ourselves. Therapy can be a powerful mirror for this: being seen, heard, and valued without needing to perform or justify. How early childhood shapes your Self-Concept Our self-concept doesn't appear out of nowhere; it starts forming in childhood, often without us realising it. The messages we received from caregivers, teachers, and early environments lay the foundation for how we see ourselves well into adulthood. 1. Attachment and Safety If your emotional needs were met consistently as a child, you likely developed a secure attachment, a foundation for self-worth, confidence, and emotional resilience. But if you experienced inconsistency, criticism, or emotional neglect, you might have internalised the belief: “I’m only lovable if I…”, be good, stay quiet, take care of others, etc. 2. Messages from Caregivers Even well-meaning adults can unintentionally shape a fragile self-concept: “Stop crying, you’re being dramatic.” - My feelings aren’t valid. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” - I’m not enough. “You’re so clever!” (only when achieving) - I must always succeed to be valued. These early “conditions of worth” as Carl Rogers described them, become internal rules we live by, often long after they stop serving us. 3. Identity and Role Assignment Children often get labelled early on: “the responsible one”, “the troublemaker”, “the sensitive one”. Over time, these roles can become part of our self-image, limiting who we believe we’re allowed to be. Therapeutic Insight: In counselling, we revisit these early narratives, not to place blame, but to understand and untangle them. Once you recognise where your self-beliefs came from, you gain the power to rewrite them with compassion and choice. Carl Rogers: Realness, Congruence, and Psychological Growth Carl Rogers believed that when people are accepted and understood without judgement, they naturally move towards growth, authenticity, and emotional health. He called this the actualising tendency, an innate drive to become who we truly are. Three key ideas from Rogers’ theory are especially helpful in therapy: 1. Congruence Congruence is the state of being real, honest, and internally aligned. It means your thoughts, feelings, actions, and self-image all reflect the same truth. Example: If you’re heartbroken but telling everyone “I’m fine,” you’re living in incongruence. Over time, this emotional split can lead to stress, numbness, or even physical symptoms. In therapy, congruence is about helping you:
Therapeutic insight: Healing starts when your inner voice becomes louder than the voice of old conditioning. Congruence isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being whole. 2. Unconditional Positive Regard Unconditional positive regard means being accepted and valued simply for existing, not because of what you achieve, fix, or give. Rogers believed this was essential for people to thrive. Unfortunately, many of us grew up with conditions of worth:
Therapeutic insight: When a person is met with warmth and non-judgement, especially in moments of messiness or vulnerability. They begin to internalise a new truth: I don’t have to earn my worth. 3. The Fully Functioning Person (Living Authentically) Rogers described a psychologically healthy person as one who:
This isn’t a “destination”, it’s a way of being in the world that can evolve over time. And it begins with knowing and accepting who you already are. Maslow and the drive toward Self-Actualisation While Rogers focused on acceptance and emotional congruence, Abraham Maslow zoomed out to look at human potential more broadly. His Hierarchy of Needs is often visualised as a pyramid. At the base are basic needs like food and safety. At the top is self-actualisation, the realisation of your fullest self: creative, purposeful, deeply alive. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
Therapeutic insight: Self-esteem and self-concept can't flourish if the emotional foundation is shaky. Trying to "be your best self" while neglecting your safety, connection, or worth is like trying to build a house on sand. Maslow and Rogers both saw the human being not as a diagnosis, but as someone seeking meaning, connection, and integrity, someone who already holds the seeds of healing within. Why Self-Concept matters for Mental Health A distorted or wounded self-concept is often the root of:
On the other hand, a grounded, compassionate self-concept leads to:
How to build a healthier Self-Concept: Tools that work 1. Unpack your Self-Image Ask yourself:
2. Meet the inner critic with curiosity Instead of trying to silence your inner critic, try asking:
3. Reconnect with your Ideal Self, on your terms Not all aspirations are bad, but check that they’re rooted in your values, not shame or societal pressure. Reflect:
4. Surround yourself with affirming relationships The people you spend time with reinforce your self-concept. Seek those who:
5. Let go of fixed labels You are not your diagnosis. Not your job title. Not your trauma. Try this shift: Instead of “I am anxious,” try “I experience anxiety.” This creates space between you and the label, and makes room for change. Final Thought: You Are Not Broken, You’re Becoming Your self-concept isn’t fixed, it’s fluid, responsive, and capable of transformation. You are not the sum of your past, nor are you defined by a fixed set of labels. By embracing yourself with honesty and compassion, you begin to rewrite your inner story. In counselling, we explore who you’ve been, who you are, and who you could become, all through a lens of unconditional positive regard. If you're looking for support on this journey of self-discovery and healing, know that the only thing you need to “fix” is your understanding of your worth. Take the First Step If you’re interested in exploring these ideas further and working on your self-concept, I invite you to reach out for a consultation. Together, we can work on building the healthy self-image, ideal self, and self-esteem that you deserve. George Fortune Counselling Humanistic counsellor
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 Let’s face it.. we all have moments when emotions get the better of us. Maybe someone says something that stings, or you feel shut down in a conversation, and suddenly you’re spiralling. The question is: who’s really responsible for how we feel?
The truth sits somewhere between how we’re spoken to, and how we manage our inner world. This blog’s all about emotional regulation, taking offence, and the gentle art of setting boundaries, through both a cognitive behavioural and humanistic lens. What Is Emotional Regulation, Really? Emotional regulation is the ability to understand, manage, and respond to your emotional experiences in a healthy and constructive way. In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), we often talk about identifying triggers, recognising the thoughts behind emotional reactions, and developing strategies like deep breathing, reframing, or grounding to regain balance. But from a humanistic counselling perspective, emotional regulation isn’t just about control, it’s about awareness. It’s being present with your feelings without judgement. Carl Rogers, founder of person-centred therapy, spoke about creating a space where we can experience ourselves fully, with compassion rather than criticism. The goal isn’t to suppress emotions or pretend they’re not there. It’s to recognise them as valid and then choose how to respond in alignment with who you are and what matters to you. Emotional regulation, then, becomes an act of integrity, managing your reactions in a way that honours your needs and your values. You might feel triggered and that’s okay. But you still have choices about what happens next. Taking Offence: A Reaction or a Boundary Signal? Sometimes we feel offended. It's natural. But the next step is key, do we stay stuck in the feeling, or use it as information? Taking offence can feel sharp, visceral and like a reflex. In a world that’s increasingly quick to call out, shut down, or cancel, it’s important to ask: what’s really happening here?
This is where emotional regulation and self-awareness come in. In CBT, we’d pause and explore the internal narrative: “What thought just ran through my mind? What belief was triggered?” Maybe the offence was tied to a core belief like “I’m not respected” or “I don’t belong.” That insight helps separate reaction from reality. In humanistic therapy, we might instead ask, “What part of you is hurting right now?”, bringing a gentler, more compassionate presence to the experience. We look beneath the surface to uncover whether the offence is rooted in shame, grief, fear, or the longing to feel heard or valued. The key is presence, not judgement. So, Who’s Responsible for What? Emotions are contagious. So are pitch/tone, body language, and unconscious projections can all influence our emotional state. But even when feelings are flying and wires are crossed, it’s important to slow the whole thing down and ask: “What part of this is mine to own?” Here’s a clearer breakdown: Your Responsibility:
Other Person’s Responsibility:
Your Side of the Street You can’t stop emotions from rising, but you can choose what you do with them. Emotional regulation isn’t about being unbothered; it’s about being in charge of your inner world, even when things feel chaotic. That might mean:
And if you’ve lashed out, gone silent, or misread something? Owning that matters too. Responsibility doesn’t mean blame, it means having response-ability. Their Side of the Street Other people are responsible for how they deliver their thoughts, opinions, and feelings. If someone comes at you with sarcasm, aggression, or condescension, that’s on them. If they ignore your boundaries or mock your emotions, that’s not your emotional failure, it’s theirs. Someone might not intend harm, but the impact still matters. And if they care, they’ll want to hear you out, not gaslight you, shift the blame, or make it about their discomfort. You don’t have to regulate your response to protect someone from the natural consequences of their behaviour. But What About Grey Areas? As we all know, it’s rarely black and white. Maybe their tone was sharp, but you were already activated from something that happened earlier. Maybe you’re over-apologising for expressing a valid need, or feeling guilty for being offended even when something genuinely crossed a line. This is where nuance matters. Humanistic therapy reminds us we’re complex beings, full of past experiences, unconscious fears, and deep needs for connection and safety. CBT helps us untangle what's thought, what's fact, and what's feeling. In the overlap, we find this truth: you are not responsible for everything, but you are responsible for your part. That’s how trust is built. That’s how boundaries get respected. And that’s how emotional safety is created, not just for you, but for everyone you’re in relationship with. So, what do you do with that feeling? Rather than jumping to blame or shame, either inwardly or outwardly, you can:
Offence doesn’t have to lead to conflict. It can lead to connection, if it’s processed with awareness and expressed with respect. Feeling offended doesn’t always mean someone’s done something wrong. But it always means there’s something inside you worth listening to. It might be an opportunity to set a boundary, share a vulnerability, or heal something deeper. Or, it might simply be a moment to regulate, recalibrate, and return to the present, with more understanding of yourself than before. In the wider context of relational dynamics, taking offence can also point to mismatched expectations, unspoken needs, or cultural or emotional blind spots. The feeling itself is valid, but how you make meaning of it, and what you choose to do with it, is where growth lives. Bringing It All Together
Emotional regulation is a practice, not a performance. You don’t have to get it “right” every time. You just need to notice, pause, and choose, even if that choice is simply to come back to the conversation later, with a clearer heart. When we learn to slow down and sit with our emotions, not push them away or let them spill out unchecked, we start to build trust within ourselves. From that place, boundaries become clearer, conversations become braver, and relationships become more nourishing. It’s not always easy. Some days you’ll nail it; other days you’ll miss the mark. But every moment is an opportunity to come back to yourself, to take ownership without shame, and to express what’s true with kindness and courage. Because the real goal isn’t emotional perfection, it’s emotional presence. So next time you feel the heat rise, or the sting of offence, or the urge to run or rage, breathe. Ask yourself what’s yours to hold, what needs to be said, and how you can stay anchored in your values. And remember: you’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to have feelings. And you’re allowed to protect your peace while still staying open to connection. That’s the heart of regulation, of boundaries, and of honest, human communication. If you feel this is an area of difficulty for you and would like to explore this further, feel free to reach out and get in touch! George Fortune Counselling Humanistic Counsellor in Weston-super-Mare  When it comes to trauma therapy, no two recovery journeys are identical. The effects of trauma can run deep, affecting not only our emotional health but also our relationships, work, and overall sense of safety in the world. If you have found yourself searching for effective ways to address PTSD, phobias, or unresolved emotional pain, you may have come across Rewind Therapy.
If not, allow this to be your introduction to one of the most promising developments in modern trauma counselling. Pioneered by Dr David Muss, Rewind Therapy offers a powerful, compassionate method for healing emotional wounds. It provides a structured, yet gentle, pathway for individuals looking to move beyond the grip of PTSD symptoms, phobias, and traumatic memories, and to regain a sense of autonomy over their lives. What is Rewind Therapy? Rewind Therapy (sometimes known informally as the "Fast Phobia Cure") is a non-intrusive, highly effective technique that belongs to the broader family of trauma therapy approaches. However, it stands apart from more traditional methods in one key way: it does not require clients to verbally revisit the traumatic experience in detail. Rather than recounting painful memories (which can often re-traumatise individuals), Rewind Therapy invites the person to engage in a safe, guided visualisation. During this process, they "view" the traumatic memory as though watching a movie from a distance, gradually diminishing its emotional power. Over a series of steps, the brain learns to refile the memory in a way that feels safe and non-threatening. The event is not forgotten, it simply loses its ability to trigger overwhelming reactions such as anxiety, panic, or terror. This ability to gently "detach" from the trauma without erasing the memory is what makes Rewind Therapy particularly effective for those seeking PTSD counselling or phobia treatment. For many, it offers a dignified route to healing where the individual remains in control at every stage. How Rewind Therapy supports recovery from PTSD, Phobias, and Trauma The impact of unresolved trauma can reverberate through every corner of a person’s life. Individuals living with PTSD often experience flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, and difficulty maintaining relationships. Meanwhile, those grappling with phobias may find their world shrinking as they go to greater lengths to avoid feared situations or objects. Traditional talk therapies, while extremely beneficial, can sometimes struggle to reach the root of trauma, particularly when clients are reluctant or unable to revisit distressing memories. Here is where Rewind Therapy excels. By allowing the emotional intensity of traumatic memories to be neutralised, Rewind Therapy gives people the chance to heal without becoming overwhelmed. Research and clinical practice have shown it to be particularly effective for:
Perhaps most importantly, Rewind Therapy restores a sense of agency. Clients are no longer at the mercy of their memories; instead, they reclaim ownership over how they respond to them. How Rewind Therapy and Humanistic Therapy work together If you are familiar with Humanistic Therapy, you might be wondering how a structured technique like Rewind fits alongside a model that prioritises self-direction and personal growth. At first glance, they may seem quite different. Humanistic approaches, such as Person-Centred Therapy or Gestalt Therapy, are deeply rooted in empathy, unconditional positive regard, and helping individuals connect with their authentic selves. They seek to empower, rather than 'fix'. However, Rewind Therapy and Humanistic Therapy are far from incompatible. In fact, they often complement each other beautifully when integrated thoughtfully into trauma therapy. While Humanistic Therapy provides the emotional groundwork, a safe, accepting environment where clients can explore their feelings and experiences, Rewind Therapy offers a focused intervention to resolve the overwhelming symptoms of trauma. Think of it this way: Humanistic Therapy nurtures the soil, helping growth and healing to occur organically, while Rewind Therapy clears the stones and weeds that may be preventing that growth. By reducing the emotional load of traumatic memories, Rewind Therapy frees the individual to engage more fully in deeper self-exploration and personal development. Many modern trauma-informed practitioners, including myself, integrate these methods to offer a holistic and personalised path to healing. Frequently Asked Questions about Rewind Therapy If you’re considering Rewind Therapy for trauma, PTSD counselling, or phobia treatment, here are some of the most common things people want to know: How many sessions does Rewind Therapy take?
Final thoughts: Is Rewind Therapy right for you? Choosing to engage in trauma therapy or PTSD counselling is a courageous decision, one that often marks the beginning of profound change. If you are living with the ongoing effects of trauma, experiencing PTSD symptoms, or finding that phobias are limiting your life, Rewind Therapy could provide a way forward. Its non-intrusive nature makes it especially suitable for individuals who find talking therapies overwhelming or who prefer a more private, contained approach to healing. Whether used as a standalone technique or as part of a broader, integrated therapy plan, Rewind Therapy has the potential to change lives. By offering a safe, effective means of processing trauma, it allows many people to rediscover a sense of peace, resilience, and hope for the future. If you would like to know more about how Rewind Therapy could support your healing journey, or to explore effective phobia treatment and PTSD counselling options tailored to your needs, I warmly invite you to get in touch with me. The first step may feel daunting, but it could be the beginning of the life you truly deserve. George Fortune Counselling  How do you see the world? Is it full of possibility or brimming with disappointment? Do you lean towards hope, or prepare for the worst just in case?
It’s easy to dismiss these personality quirks as just "how you are", but the truth is, our outlook on life runs far deeper. It shapes how we connect with others, how we handle failure, and even how we care for ourselves. It’s woven into the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what’s possible, and what the world expects of us. As a counsellor in Weston-super-Mare, I often work with clients who feel stuck in a cycle of negative thinking, whether that’s pessimism, cynicism, or simply feeling disconnected from hope. These outlooks often reveal themselves quietly, sometimes disguised as anxiety, hopelessness, or relentless striving. Yet underneath, they speak to the core of our human experience: the ways we try to protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, and sometimes even from hope. This article explores how our mindset is shaped, how it affects mental well-being, and how counselling can help shift unhelpful thought patterns. Where Does Our Outlook on Life Come From? No one wakes up one morning and chooses to be a pessimist or optimist. These perspectives build slowly, often without us noticing. They’re shaped by our earliest experiences, and what we were taught about safety, trust, failure, and success. If your childhood was filled with uncertainty or unpredictability, you may have learned early on that expecting the worst was safer than being hopeful and getting hurt. Likewise, growing up around positivity, emotional support, and stability can make optimism feel like the natural setting of your mind. But it’s not just family. Culture, education, peer groups, and even the media we consume play a part. Over time, this forms the lens through which we view life, and it’s so familiar, so automatic, that we rarely question it. The field of cognitive psychology has long explored how these outlooks become ingrained. Aaron Beck, the founder of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), identified what he called "cognitive distortions", unhelpful patterns of thinking that reinforce negative beliefs. These include catastrophizing (expecting the worst), black-and-white thinking, and discounting the positive. The good news? These distortions can be challenged and reshaped. The Different Ways We See the World Pessimism – The Heavy Weight of Expecting the Worst Pessimism is often treated like a flaw, something to fix. But in my counselling practice, I see it for what it often is, a form of self-protection. If you’ve been let down too many times, it makes sense that you’d start expecting the worst. There’s a strange kind of comfort in preparing for disaster, it feels like control. The problem is, that living in this constant state of low expectations slowly wears you down. Pessimism doesn’t just shape your thoughts, it changes your body. Research from the Mayo Clinic suggests that chronic pessimism is linked to higher levels of cortisol (often referred to as the stress hormone), which over time can contribute to anxiety, depression, and even cardiovascular disease. One approach used in therapy is cognitive restructuring, where we gently challenge the assumptions underlying pessimistic thoughts. This doesn’t mean forcing optimism but rather looking at evidence: has every outcome truly been as bad as you expected? Can you recall times when things turned out better? Slowly, this process helps create more balanced thinking. Optimism – The Power and Pitfalls of Hope Optimism is often celebrated as the key to happiness, success, and emotional resilience. Research from psychologist Martin Seligman, a pioneer in Positive Psychology, found that optimists are not only more resilient but also tend to live longer and experience lower levels of stress-related illness. However, optimism isn’t a cure-all. When it slips into denial, sometimes called toxic positivity, it can invalidate real struggles. Clients often describe feeling pressured to "just think positive," which can make them feel unheard and isolated in their suffering. True optimism isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about holding onto hope while being honest about reality. One way to cultivate this is through self-compassion, an approach rooted in the work of psychologist Kristin Neff. It allows us to acknowledge pain while still believing in our ability to navigate it. Cynicism – When Hope Turns to Armour Cynicism often starts where idealism ends. It’s the scar tissue that forms when hope is repeatedly betrayed. Many of my clients in North Somerset come to therapy with a deep-rooted cynicism, believing it’s safer to expect the worst than to be disappointed again. Beneath cynicism often lies grief, the loss of something deeply hoped for. Therapy can offer a space to process these disappointments and explore whether that protective layer of cynicism is still serving a purpose, or if it’s keeping joy, trust, and connection at arm’s length. Strategies for Shifting Your Outlook
Can Counselling Help Change Your Outlook on Life? The most hopeful truth is this: your outlook is not a life sentence. It is not your identity. It is simply a pattern, a lens-shaped by experience. And like any pattern, it can change. As a humanistic counsellor in Weston-super-Mare, I offer a space to explore these outlooks, where they came from, how they affect your life, and whether they still serve you. Sometimes, it’s about loosening the grip of pessimism or cynicism, making space for something lighter. Other times, it’s about learning that hope doesn’t have to mean vulnerability to pain. Growth doesn’t come from forcing change, but from understanding, and with understanding comes choice. Ready to Explore a New Perspective? If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many people in Weston-super-Mare and North Somerset are walking through life carrying invisible stories, often heavier than they realise. If you’d like to explore yours, I’d love to help. George Fortune Counselling  In today's fast-paced world, taking care of our mental health and well-being is more important than ever. Psychological research has consistently shown that engaging with nature, staying active, and fostering social connections can significantly improve our emotional and physical well-being. Fortunately, Weston-super-Mare and North Somerset offer an abundance of opportunities to support mental health naturally. Whether it's the calming rhythm of the waves, the fresh countryside air, or engaging in supportive community activities, this guide highlights local options for nurturing your well-being.
1. Find peace by the sea: The therapeutic effects of North Somerset’s beaches The coastline of North Somerset offers a variety of beachside settings, each with its own unique atmosphere and therapeutic benefits. Research in psychology suggests that listening to the rhythmic sound of ocean waves helps de-stimulate the brain, leading to relaxation and stress relief. Walking barefoot on the sand, known as grounding, can further enhance these effects by reducing cortisol levels and promoting calmness. Simply watching the tide roll in can create a meditative state, making it a perfect antidote for anxiety and low mood. The gentle crash of the waves, the salt-laden breeze, and the steady horizon all signal to our nervous system that we are safe, promoting relaxation and emotional balance. The sound of waves also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps lower heart rate and decrease stress hormones like adrenaline. Key beaches for well-being:
Try this: Take a mindful walk along any of these beaches, paying attention to the sound of the waves, the feel of the breeze, and the sensation of the sand beneath your feet. Practice deep breathing in sync with the waves to enhance relaxation and increase oxygen flow to the brain. 2. Breathe in the fresh air: Mendip Hills walks The Mendip Hills Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty (AONB) offers some of the most stunning countryside landscapes in the region. Studies show that spending time in green spaces lowers blood pressure, reduces stress, and improves mood by increasing serotonin and dopamine levels. Walking through the rolling hills, woodlands, and open fields can be a meditative experience that fosters mindfulness and relaxation. The predictable, repetitive movement of walking helps regulate emotions, while the vastness of the landscape promotes perspective-taking, making problems feel more manageable. Exposure to nature also enhances cognitive function and reduces symptoms of mental fatigue. Recommended Walks:
3. Embrace Blue Mind Theory: Cheddar reservoir Cheddar Reservoir offers an expansive, peaceful waterscape perfect for walking, cycling, or simply sitting and reflecting. Blue Mind Theory suggests that being near water promotes a deeply relaxed state, reducing stress and increasing feelings of happiness. The combination of fresh air, open space, and the gentle sounds of lapping water can work wonders for mental well-being. Water has a hypnotic effect on the brain, creating a state of soft fascination, where the mind is engaged but not overwhelmed. This can be particularly helpful for those dealing with rumination, as it naturally shifts focus away from distressing thoughts. Research shows that proximity to water reduces cortisol levels and boosts the production of feel-good neurotransmitters such as serotonin and oxytocin. Try This: Bring a journal and spend some time reflecting by the water, allowing the natural surroundings to bring clarity and peace. Or simply sit quietly and observe the movement of the water, using it as an anchor to calm the mind. 4. Connect with nature: Green social prescribing Green social prescribing is a growing movement where individuals engage in nature-based activities to improve mental health. In Weston-super-Mare, local groups offer guided nature walks, community gardening projects, and conservation activities. These activities not only encourage physical movement but also foster social connection and a sense of purpose, both of which are key components of well-being. Gardening, for example, has been shown to reduce stress hormones and provide a tangible sense of accomplishment, reinforcing positive mood regulation. Engaging in structured outdoor activities also supports self-compassion by encouraging mindful presence in the moment, a key principle of Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT). Local Options:
5. Move Your Body: The Joy of Physical Activity Exercise is one of the most effective ways to boost mental health, but the key is finding something enjoyable rather than feeling pressured to do it. Whether it's swimming at the local leisure centre, dancing in a community class, or cycling along the Strawberry Line, physical activity releases endorphins that help reduce anxiety and improve mood. It also decreases adrenaline and cortisol, the hormones associated with stress. Where to Get Active:
Final Thoughts Taking care of mental health is about finding the right balance between movement, relaxation, social connection, and personal fulfilment. By incorporating some of these activities into your routine, you can cultivate a sense of peace, resilience, and joy in everyday life. If you are looking for professional counselling support in Weston-super-Mare or North Somerset, visit www.georgefortunecounselling.co.uk for more information on how counselling can help with anxiety, stress, and overall mental well-being. Equally, check out my blog on "How to find the right counsellor for you in Weston-super-Mare" to explore looking for the right support for you. George Fortune Counselling  Change is one of life’s few certainties, yet it often brings uncertainty, anxiety, and worry. Whether it is a new career, the end of a relationship, becoming a parent, retirement, or any other major shift, life transitions can challenge our sense of stability and identity. Even when change is positive, it can stir up deep emotions and leave us feeling unsettled.
As a humanistic counsellor, I see transitions not as obstacles but as opportunities for self-discovery, growth, and renewal. While uncertainty can feel daunting, it can also be the gateway to greater self-awareness, resilience, and personal fulfilment. Therapy provides a space to explore these shifts, helping to process emotions, manage anxiety, and move forward with clarity and confidence. This blog somewhat follows on from my previous blog post 'Loss, Grief and finding your way through', but looking at the transitions and change we all go through in life. It explores why life transitions can be so psychologically challenging, their impact on mental health and identity, and how counselling can support you in managing uncertainty. It also offers practical strategies for embracing change with resilience and self-trust. Why do life transition feel so emotionally challenging? Life transitions often bring a mix of emotions, including excitement, anxiety, self-doubt, fear of losing control, and even grief over what is being left behind. These feelings can be unsettling, even when the change is a positive one. From a psychological perspective, transitions disrupt cognitive equilibrium, the brain’s way of maintaining stability. Humans are wired to seek predictability and control, so when life shifts unexpectedly, it can activate the amygdala, the brain’s emotional centre. This can increase our adrenaline and stress hormones such as cortisol, heightening feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. From a humanistic counselling perspective, life transitions can challenge our self-concept, the way we see ourselves. If our identity has been closely linked to a career, a relationship, or a particular role, change can lead to questions about who we are and where we belong. Existential and Logotherapy perspectives on change Existential therapy suggests that transitions force us to confront the unknown, raising fundamental questions about meaning, purpose, and direction. While this can be unsettling, it can also be profoundly liberating. Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy emphasises that when faced with uncertainty, we can either resist or embrace the opportunity to find new meaning. Therapy can help to reframe uncertainty as a space for growth rather than something to be feared. Reframing change: Seeing transitions as opportunities for growth When faced with uncertainty, the focus often shifts towards what is being lost rather than what is being gained. However, transitions can provide an opportunity to redefine priorities, embrace new possibilities, and develop emotional resilience. Shifting mindset around change Rather than feeling lost and uncertain, it can be helpful to reframe transitions as an opportunity to explore new aspects of identity and personal growth. Instead of worrying about making the wrong decision, trust can be placed in one’s ability to navigate the process with self-awareness and adaptability. Carl Rogers, a key figure in humanistic therapy, highlighted that personal growth occurs when individuals step outside their comfort zones. While change can be uncomfortable, it can also be a catalyst for self-awareness, confidence, and fulfilment. Practical strategies for navigating life transitions Therapy and counselling offer valuable tools for managing transitions with greater emotional resilience and clarity. There are several ways to approach change with confidence: Self-Reflection for clarity Transitions provide an opportunity to pause and reassess values, priorities, and goals. It can be helpful to reflect on which aspects of past experiences should be carried forward, what new qualities or opportunities might be embraced, and how success or fulfilment is now defined. Journaling, counselling, or meaningful conversations with trusted individuals can support this process, helping to move forward with intention and purpose. Recognising and managing emotional responses Change can bring feelings of anxiety, frustration, or self-doubt. Rather than suppressing these emotions, acknowledging and working through them can lead to a greater sense of control. Anxiety often signals uncertainty but can also indicate new possibilities. Fear can highlight vulnerabilities but also identify areas where personal growth is possible. Therapy provides a safe space to explore these emotions and develop healthier coping strategies. Breaking change into manageable steps Large transitions can feel overwhelming, but breaking them down into smaller, achievable steps can make them more manageable. For example, when starting a new job, focusing on learning one thing at a time rather than expecting immediate mastery can ease the process. When moving to a new city, creating familiar routines can bring comfort in an unfamiliar environment. Small, intentional actions build momentum and create a sense of progress. Building a strong support network Significant life transitions can sometimes feel isolating, but support from friends, family, or professional counselling can provide emotional grounding. Talking through emotions, seeking advice, and feeling heard can be invaluable during times of change. Moving Forward: A reflective approach to change If you are navigating a life transition, taking time to reflect on the experience can provide valuable insight. Consider the following questions: What aspects of this transition feel most challenging? What strengths have helped in past transitions? What small step can be taken today to move forward with greater confidence? Shifting focus towards what can be controlled, rather than fixating on uncertainty, creates space for personal empowerment and self-growth. Therapy can provide a structured environment to explore these questions and develop strategies for moving forward with confidence. The role of counselling in life transitions Counselling offers a supportive space to process emotions, explore new perspectives, and develop the tools needed to adapt to change. Therapy can help to:
Whether navigating a career shift, relationship change, personal transformation, or another major life transition, therapy can provide guidance and support in managing the emotional impact. Final Thoughts: Every transition is an opportunity to evolve Life transitions, though often challenging, hold the potential for renewal, self-growth, and new experiences. Change does not have to be something to fear, it can be an opportunity for self-discovery and transformation. If you are facing a significant life transition and would like support, counselling can provide the space to explore emotions, develop coping strategies, and move forward with greater clarity and resilience. Every transition marks a turning point. With the right support, it can become a step towards a more fulfilling and meaningful future. George Fortune Counselling  Grief isn’t just about death; it’s a universal experience that we all face in various forms. Whether it’s the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, a shift in your identity, or the passing of a loved one, loss can make us feel as if the ground beneath us is shaking. It’s as if everything we once knew, or held dear, is suddenly slipping away, leaving us struggling to find our way. But grief doesn’t have to be a journey you go on alone, and with the right support, it’s possible to navigate through it, eventually finding peace and a new sense of self.
As a humanistic counsellor, I view grief as a deeply personal process of adjustment. It’s about re-learning how to be in the world, how to feel whole again after something or someone that you were attached to is no longer a part of your life. In this blog, we’re going to explore grief from a broader perspective, look at how attachment styles influence how we grieve, and offer practical ways to navigate through loss, no matter the form it takes. Understanding grief: It's more than just sadness When we talk about grief, it’s easy to think of it only in terms of death, after all, that’s when the word is most commonly used. But grief is much broader than that. It can be triggered by any form of loss: a relationship, a career, your health, or even your sense of self. For example, let’s say you’ve just gone through a breakup. You might not just be mourning the person but also the life you thought you’d have with them. The routines, the future plans, the sense of connection, all of that can suddenly feel lost, and the grief can feel just as deep as it would after a death. Similarly, losing a job, or even just your idea of what your career meant to you, can cause grief because of the attachment to that part of your identity. Or imagine a shift in your health: you grieve the loss of the person you were before, the person who was capable of doing certain things without thinking twice. There are many great models of grief and loss out there, such as Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief or William Worden’s tasks of mourning. These models offer valuable insights into the grieving process, but my favourite has always been Colin Murray Parkes' phases of grief. I find his model to be the most aligned with both my personal experiences and the humanistic counselling approach I work from. In Parkes' view, grief isn’t just a linear progression; it’s a complex, fluid process that looks different for everyone. This resonates with me deeply as a humanistic counsellor, where the individual’s personal experience and subjective world are always at the forefront of our work together. As Parkes discusses in "Grief: The Healing of Sorrows" (2013), grief is a process, not an event, and it doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a mixture of emotions that come and go in waves, with no set timeline. Here’s how Parkes outlines the phases of grief: Shock and numbness When you first experience a loss, it can feel surreal, almost as if you’re detached from reality. You might feel like you're going through the motions but not really "feeling" anything. For example, after a sudden death or unexpected change, you might find yourself going about your day as if nothing’s happened. It's as if your brain is protecting you from the full impact. Some people even expect things to return to normal, only to realise, as time goes on, that things will never be quite the same. Disorganisation and dispair Once the initial shock fades, the realisation of the loss can feel overwhelming. The sadness may hit you hard, and you might find yourself questioning everything around you. If it’s the death of a loved one, you might feel lost without them. With a breakup, it might feel as though your entire future is up in the air, uncertain and unclear. At this stage, it’s perfectly normal to feel as though you’re drowning in despair, struggling to find meaning in the world around you. Yearning and searching As time goes on, the longing for what was lost becomes more pronounced. In this phase, you might constantly think about the person you lost, replaying memories or conversations. You might wish for one more chance to speak to them or wish things could go back to how they were. Some people experience deep regret, wishing they’d acted differently in the relationship or the situation. It’s common to search for some sort of meaning in the loss, trying to understand what it all means. Reorganisation and recovery Eventually, you begin to adjust. This doesn’t mean the grief is gone, but rather, you start to rebuild. You might find moments of joy, even if fleeting. You begin to incorporate the loss into your life, realising that while you can’t undo the loss, you can adapt to life without it. You find a new sense of normal, one that acknowledges the loss but also allows you to look ahead with hope. How Attachment Styles shape our Grief How we grieve can be influenced by how we form attachments to others. These attachment styles are developed early in life and can affect how we respond to loss later on. The research by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth on attachment theory has been instrumental in understanding these patterns. Bowlby, in particular, believed that our early attachment experiences with caregivers shape how we form relationships throughout our lives, including how we cope with loss. Mary Ainsworth’s work expanded on this by identifying different attachment styles through her research on infant-caregiver relationships. In attachment theory, the way we bond with others as children influences how we process grief as adults. By understanding your attachment style, you can gain insight into why you might react to grief the way you do, and find healthier ways of coping. If you’re interested in diving deeper into attachment theory, I recommend the book "Attachment in Psychotherapy" by David J. Wallin. Wallin beautifully explores how the principles of attachment theory influence emotional development and provide a framework for understanding grief and relationships throughout life. Here’s a breakdown of the different attachment styles and how they impact the grieving process: Secure attachment If you have a secure attachment style, you likely find it easier to express your emotions and lean on others for support during times of grief. You can feel your sadness deeply, but you trust that, over time, things will get better. In the face of loss, you might find yourself able to ask for help, talk openly about your feelings, and find comfort in the support of others. For example, after a loss, you might cry with a friend or reach out for professional support and feel reassured that healing is possible. Anxious-preoccupied attachment If your attachment style is anxious-preoccupied, you might feel a constant need for reassurance and fear abandonment. During grief, this could mean you struggle with feelings of desperation, longing, and ruminating on past actions. For example, after a breakup, you may find yourself endlessly analysing what went wrong or overthinking every little interaction. You may seek reassurance from others that you’ll be okay, but still feel overwhelmed with doubt and insecurity. Avoidant-dismissive attachment If you have an avoidant-dismissive attachment style, you might find it difficult to process your emotions or reach out for support. You may try to avoid thinking about the loss altogether, suppressing your feelings in an effort to maintain control. For instance, after a job loss, you might bury yourself in work or distract yourself with activities to avoid confronting the emotional pain. While this may seem like a way to cope and look secure, these feelings can resurface unexpectedly, creating emotional distance and disconnection from others. Fearful-avoidant attachment The fearful-avoidant style combines both anxious and avoidant tendencies. You may long for closeness but simultaneously fear vulnerability. During grief, this can lead to a push-pull dynamic where you want support but also feel hesitant or even fearful about getting too close to others. After a major loss, such as a death or breakup, you might push people away when you need them most, and later find yourself feeling isolated and uncertain about how to process the grief. Understanding your attachment style helps you to recognise patterns in your grief and take steps toward healing. It can also help you develop healthier ways to process your emotions and ask for the support you need. Finding you way through While grief can be overwhelming, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to face it alone. Healing is a process, and there are steps you can take to help yourself find your way through it. Acknowledge your feelings Grief is not something you can "get over" quickly. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Whether you feel numb, sad, angry, or confused, honour those feelings. The more you allow yourself to sit with your grief, the easier it will be to process and understand. Engage in self-care Taking care of your physical health is just as important as looking after your emotional well-being during grief. Eat regular meals, get enough sleep, and try to move your body in ways that feel good to you. Small acts of self-care can help you feel grounded and more connected to your strength. Create new routines Losing something important can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. Creating new routines, even small ones, can help re-establish a sense of normalcy. Whether it’s a new hobby, a different work schedule, or simply taking a walk every day, having some structure can help ease the transition into a new phase of life. Talk about it You don’t need to go through grief alone. Talking with others, whether friends, family, or a therapist, can help you feel supported. If you’re not ready to speak face-to-face, journaling or even sending a message to a loved one can be helpful. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it. It’s okay to ask for support. Give yourself time Healing from grief is not a race. There is no set timeline for when you should "move on." It’s okay to take your time, to go through the highs and lows of grief, and to allow yourself the space to heal at your own pace. Grief is never easy, but through patience and self-compassion, healing is possible. If you’re struggling with grief, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy or counselling can provide the support and guidance you need during this time. You can learn more about coping strategies and emotional support in the [Useful Resources](https://www.georgefortunecounselling.co.uk/useful-resources.html) section of my website. Remember, healing takes time and you’re not alone in this journey.  We’ve all had those nights, tossing, turning, staring at the ceiling while the hours creep by. A bad night’s sleep leaves us feeling sluggish, irritable, and emotionally drained. But what if poor sleep isn’t just an occasional inconvenience? What if it’s quietly chipping away at your mental health?
As a humanistic counsellor, I see first-hand how lack of sleep impacts emotional well-being. Many clients seek therapy for anxiety, low mood, or feeling overwhelmed only to realise that their sleep patterns are at the heart of the issue. So, why is sleep so crucial, and what can we do about it? Why sleep matter for mental health Sleep is essential for processing emotions, consolidating memories, and maintaining psychological resilience. When we sleep well, we wake up refreshed, better able to cope with stress, and more in tune with our emotions. Conversely, a lack of sleep disrupts these vital processes, leaving us more vulnerable to emotional distress. During deep sleep, the brain processes the events of the day, helping us make sense of our emotions and experiences. This is why we often wake up with a clearer perspective after a good night's rest. Without adequate sleep, our ability to regulate emotions diminishes, increasing the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or irritable. Sleep deprivation also impairs cognitive function, reducing our ability to focus and solve problems effectively. The link between poor sleep and mental health Chronic sleep deprivation or insomnia isn’t just about feeling tired. It can significantly impact our mental and emotional well-being:
Humanistic counselling and the holistic approach to sleep issues From a humanistic perspective, sleep issues aren’t just physical, they’re emotional and psychological too. We don’t just treat the symptoms; we explore what’s really going on underneath. Our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours are interconnected, and identifying the root causes of sleep disturbances is key to improving overall well-being. For example, one client struggled with insomnia and found himself awake every night at 3 a.m. When we explored his thoughts and feelings, it turned out that unresolved work stress was keeping his mind racing. Through counselling, he identified the pressures he was placing on himself and worked towards more self-compassionate thinking, which ultimately improved his sleep. Many individuals experiencing sleep problems may also have underlying emotional wounds or unresolved trauma. Addressing these concerns in therapy can help them create a more peaceful mental state, making it easier to relax and achieve restful sleep. Practical tips for better sleep and mental well-being If you’re struggling with sleep and it’s affecting your mental health, here are some practical, humanistic approaches you can try: Create a sleep-friendly environment
Establish a pre-sleep routine
Mind your thoughts
Listen to your body
Address underlying emotional issues
Final thoughts Bad sleep and mental health go hand in hand. If you’re struggling with emotional well-being, examining your sleep habits could be a vital step towards feeling better. Humanistic counselling offers a compassionate, holistic way to explore what’s really going on beneath the surface because sometimes, the key to a better night’s sleep isn’t just about bedtime routines, but about how we process our emotions throughout the day. If sleep is affecting your mental health, you don’t have to suffer in silence. Seeking support can help you regain balance, both in your nights and in your waking life.  Suffering is an inevitable part of the human experience. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and often feels unfair. As a humanistic counsellor, I encounter clients navigating the rough terrain of suffering every day. And yet, time and time again, I’ve witnessed how this very suffering becomes a catalyst for profound growth and self-actualisation. It’s paradoxical, but pain often holds the seeds of transformation.
What is suffering, really? Suffering comes in many forms - grief, heartbreak, failure, existential crises, or the quiet, nagging ache of dissatisfaction with life. While the specifics vary, suffering usually points to a mismatch between our current reality and our deeply held values, desires, or needs. Humanistic psychology, with its focus on the individual’s potential for growth, doesn’t shy away from suffering. Instead, it views suffering as an essential aspect of the human journey, something to be explored rather than avoided. Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic counselling, believed that the pain we experience often signals areas in our lives where change and growth are most needed. It’s through this exploration that we uncover truths about ourselves and discover paths forward. The role of suffering in Self-Actualisation Self-actualisation, the process of becoming the fullest version of yourself, is at the heart of humanistic counselling. It’s not about achieving perfection but about embracing authenticity, aligning with your values, and unlocking your potential. Interestingly, suffering often serves as the gateway to this deeper self-awareness. Think about it: moments of crisis force us to question who we are, what we want, and what truly matters. They disrupt our autopilot mode and demand that we pay attention. While these moments are undeniably painful, they also present opportunities to recalibrate our lives and rediscover what’s meaningful. Why growth often hurts Growth is uncomfortable because it requires change, and change challenges the status quo. It asks us to confront fears, break patterns, and venture into the unknown. As humans, we’re wired to seek comfort and avoid pain, but growth demands the opposite. It asks us to sit with discomfort and to trust that something valuable lies on the other side. In my practice, I often remind clients that pain is a signpost. It points us to the areas of our lives that need attention and care. When we lean into that pain instead of running from it, we create space for healing and transformation. Suffering as a teacher Consider how suffering teaches us resilience, empathy, and perspective. Resilience: Surviving difficult experiences shows us that we are stronger than we realise. Each time we face adversity and come out the other side, we build a deeper well of inner strength. This resilience isn’t just about enduring; it’s about learning to adapt, grow, and find new ways to thrive. Empathy: When we’ve experienced pain ourselves, we become more compassionate towards others. Suffering breaks down barriers and reminds us of our shared humanity. Empathy allows us to connect deeply with others, fostering relationships that are authentic and healing. Perspective: Challenges force us to reevaluate our priorities. Sometimes, it’s only through loss or failure that we come to appreciate what truly matters. Suffering can illuminate what we’ve been taking for granted and inspire gratitude for the simple joys of life. Turning suffering into growth So, how can we harness the transformative power of suffering? Here are a few strategies rooted in humanistic principles: Acceptance: Instead of resisting or denying pain, try to accept it as part of your journey. This doesn’t mean you have to like it, but acknowledging its presence is the first step toward working through it. Denial only prolongs the process and can deepen the wounds. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during difficult times. Treat yourself with the same patience and understanding you’d offer a friend. Self-compassion doesn’t just soothe; it strengthens you to face challenges with greater clarity and courage. Reflection: Take time to explore what your suffering is trying to tell you. Journaling, counselling, or simply sitting with your thoughts can help you uncover the lessons hidden within your pain. Reflection creates a bridge between suffering and insight. Connection: Reach out to others. Sharing your struggles can lighten the burden and remind you that you’re not alone. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and connection can be a powerful balm for pain. Action: Growth often requires taking proactive steps, whether it’s setting boundaries, pursuing a new path, or seeking professional help. Transformation doesn’t happen passively; it’s a participatory process that demands effort and courage. Gratitude in Hindsight: While it’s nearly impossible to appreciate suffering while in its grip, looking back often reveals how it shaped us. Reflecting on past hardships can provide perspective and help us recognise the value in experiences we once wished away. The Neuroscience of suffering and growth From a scientific standpoint, the brain also adapts through adversity. Neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural connections, means that challenging experiences can literally reshape our minds. Struggles teach the brain to approach problems differently, fostering creativity and resilience. While suffering initially activates stress responses, prolonged reflection and positive action help the brain integrate these experiences into a more adaptive framework. In conclusion As someone who has walked alongside many individuals on their journeys, I’ve seen how suffering, when embraced with courage and curiosity, can lead to extraordinary breakthroughs. The human spirit is remarkably resilient, and even in the darkest moments, there is always potential for light. This isn’t just theoretical; it’s something I’ve witnessed in practice and, at times, experienced personally. Suffering is not something any of us would choose, but it is often the birthplace of our greatest growth. By facing our pain head-on, we can transform it into a powerful force for self-discovery and self-actualisation. Remember, it’s not about avoiding the storm but learning how to dance in the rain. And in that dance, we often find our truest selves. The journey of growth is ongoing, and every step, even the painful ones, is a testament to the incredible capacity for transformation within us all.  With the arrival of a new year comes a sense of new beginnings - a chance to refocus, reassess, and take meaningful steps towards the life you want to build. Whether it’s improving your health, nurturing relationships, advancing your career, or finding more joy in everyday moments, the transition into a new year is the perfect opportunity to set clear goals and work towards them with purpose.
But how do you turn these aspirations into reality? Setting and achieving goals requires more than just motivation; it calls for structure, self-compassion, and sometimes, the guidance of professional support like counselling. Here, we explore ways to make the new year a year of positive change, with practical tips and strategies to help you stay on track. Reflect and take stock of the past year Before setting goals for the year ahead, it’s worth pausing to reflect on the year just passed. What went well? What didn’t? Understanding where you’ve been can provide valuable insights into where you’d like to go. Ask yourself: - What accomplishments am I proud of? - What do I want to leave behind this year? - What challenges did I face, and how did I handle them? - Are there areas of my life that feel unbalanced or neglected? Solution: Write a “year in review” journal entry or talk it through with a trusted friend or counsellor. Reflection helps you recognise patterns and ensures your goals for the new year are rooted in your current reality, not wishful thinking. Set goals that align with your values Goals are more meaningful (and more likely to be achieved) when they reflect what truly matters to you. Think about your core values. Is it family, creativity, health, financial stability, or perhaps a sense of adventure? Aligning your goals with your values ensures they feel authentic and worthwhile. Example: If connection is important to you, a goal might be to schedule regular time with loved ones. If personal growth is a priority, you might plan to take a course, read a certain number of books, or start therapy to deepen your self-awareness. Solution: Use a mind map to brainstorm how your values can translate into specific, actionable goals. For each value, write down one or two aspirations for the year ahead. Break it down into manageable steps Big goals can feel inspiring but also overwhelming. The key to making progress is breaking them into smaller, actionable steps that feel achievable and realistic. Example: If your goal is to improve your physical fitness, start small: commit to a 15-minute walk three times a week rather than aiming for daily gym sessions right away. If your goal is to improve your finances, start by tracking your spending for a month before setting up a budget. Solution: Use the SMART framework for your goals: Specific: Be clear about what you want to achieve. Measurable: Define how you’ll track progress. Achievable: Ensure it’s realistic given your circumstances. Relevant: Check it aligns with your values. Time-bound: Set a timeline to maintain focus. Then, break each goal into smaller milestones and celebrate your progress along the way. Stay focused by prioritising One of the biggest pitfalls when setting goals is trying to do too much at once. It’s tempting to aim for an ambitious list of changes, but spreading yourself too thin can lead to burnout and disappointment. Solution: Pick three to five goals to focus on for the year. These should be the aspirations that feel most significant or impactful to your happiness and well-being. You can always revisit and expand your list later if you find yourself ready for more. Cultivate habits, not just goals While goals are great for setting direction, habits are what keep you moving forward. By focusing on building routines and behaviours that support your aspirations, you can create lasting change that feels less effortful over time. Example: If your goal is to reduce stress, cultivate a daily habit of mindfulness, such as 10 minutes of meditation or journaling. If your goal is to build confidence, practise small acts of courage, like speaking up in meetings or trying something new each week. Solution: Pair new habits with existing ones. For example, if you want to practise gratitude, add it to your evening routine, perhaps writing down three things you’re grateful for before brushing your teeth. Seek support through counselling Counselling is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to set meaningful goals, navigate challenges, or simply invest in their personal growth. A professional counsellor provides a non-judgemental space to explore your aspirations, identify potential barriers, and develop strategies for success. Benefits of counselling: - Clarity: A counsellor can help you identify what truly matters to you and refine your goals. - Accountability: Regular sessions can keep you motivated and on track. - Resilience: Counselling equips you with tools to manage setbacks and maintain progress. - Self-awareness: Exploring your thoughts and behaviours can uncover patterns that either support or hinder your growth. Solution: If you’re unsure where to start, consider booking an initial session with a counsellor to discuss your aspirations and how they can help you achieve them. Plan for challenges and embrace flexibility Life rarely goes according to plan, and that’s okay. Anticipating obstacles and building flexibility into your goals allows you to adapt without feeling like you’ve failed. Example: If your goal is to run a marathon but an injury sets you back, focus on what you *can* do, such as swimming or strength training, until you’re ready to return to running. Solution: Create contingency plans for your goals. For each aspiration, think about potential challenges and write down alternative actions or adjustments you can make if things don’t go as expected. Celebrate progress along the way Acknowledging your achievements, even the small ones, is essential for staying motivated. Progress is often incremental, and celebrating your wins reinforces the positive behaviours that helped you succeed. Example: If your goal is to learn a new skill, celebrate milestones like completing an online course or mastering a specific technique. If your goal is to improve your mental health, acknowledge the steps you’re taking, like attending counselling or practising self-care. Solution: Keep a “success journal” where you jot down your accomplishments, no matter how small. Looking back on these entries can be a powerful reminder of how far you’ve come. Revisit and refine your goals As the year progresses, your priorities may shift, or you might discover that some goals no longer resonate. Revisiting your aspirations regularly ensures they remain relevant and aligned with your life. Solution: Schedule quarterly check-ins with yourself (or with a counsellor) to review your goals. Ask yourself: - What progress have I made? - What feels challenging, and why? - Do I need to adjust or let go of any goals? This flexibility keeps you grounded and prevents unnecessary frustration. Be kind to yourself Personal growth is a journey, not a race. There will be days when you fall short, lose motivation, or face setbacks, and that’s perfectly normal. What matters most is your willingness to keep going. Solution: Practise self-compassion. Treat yourself as you would a friend, acknowledge your effort, forgive your mistakes, and celebrate your strengths. Counselling can be a wonderful space to cultivate this mindset, helping you build resilience and self-acceptance. Looking ahead to the new year The new year holds endless possibilities, but lasting change comes from more than just setting goals. It’s about aligning your aspirations with your values, building habits that support them, and seeking the guidance and support you need to thrive. Whether you’re aiming for small, steady improvements or big, transformative shifts, take the new year one step at a time, and remember that progress, not perfection, is what counts. With thoughtful planning and the right support, this can be the year you truly invest in yourself and your future. If you’re considering counselling to support your personal growth, now could be the perfect time to begin. Sometimes, having someone in your corner can make all the difference. |
AuthorGeorge Fortune BSc (Hons), MBACP, MNCPS (Acc.). Archives
May 2025
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Counselling in Weston Super Mare and North Somerset. George Fortune Counselling
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George Fortune Counselling07462 110 948 |
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George Fortune Counselling is the trading name of StressLess Solutions Ltd
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