 Many people look for counselling because something in life has become difficult to carry. It might be anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, grief, work stress, relationship difficulties, emotional overwhelm, or a sense that something does not feel right anymore. Some people want tools. Some want answers. Some want to understand why they keep repeating the same patterns. Some want a space where they can say things honestly, without having to make it easier for everyone else. Humanistic counselling starts from the view that you are not simply a problem to be solved. You are not just a set of symptoms, a diagnosis, or something faulty that needs repairing. You are a human being with history, feelings, meaning, fear, hope, responsibility, relationships, choices, and the possibility of growth. That does not mean humanistic counselling ignores pain, anxiety, trauma, anger, or distress. It means those difficulties are explored as part of the whole person, not treated as if they exist in isolation. What is humanistic counselling? Humanistic counselling is an approach to therapy that focuses on the whole person and their lived experience. Rather than only asking, “What is wrong with you?”, humanistic counselling is often more interested in questions such as, “What are you experiencing?”, “What does this mean to you?”, “What have you had to adapt to?”, “What parts of yourself have you had to hide or protect?”, and “What might help you become more fully yourself?” At the heart of humanistic counselling is the belief that people are not simply things to be analysed from the outside. They are living, feeling, meaning-making human beings, trying to understand themselves, their relationships, their history, their choices, and their place in the world. This is one reason humanistic therapy can feel different from approaches that focus mainly on symptom management or structured techniques, such as cognitive behavioural therapy, often known as CBT. CBT can be helpful for many people, especially when someone wants practical tools to notice thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Humanistic counselling does not reject tools or techniques, but it is often interested in what lies beneath them. What does this feeling mean? Where did this pattern come from? What have you had to become in order to cope? What would it mean to live with more honesty, responsibility, and choice? Humanistic counselling is not about the counsellor telling you who you are. It is about creating a relationship where you can begin to hear yourself more clearly. Humanistic counselling, person-centred therapy, and integrative work Humanistic counselling is closely linked with person-centred counselling, especially the work of Carl Rogers. Person-centred therapy places importance on empathy, acceptance, genuineness, and the belief that people can move towards growth when the right relational conditions are present. That does not mean the counsellor sits silently and simply nods. It means the relationship matters: the quality of attention, the way you are heard, and the ability to speak without being shamed, dismissed, judged, or quickly corrected. My own work is integrative humanistic counselling. This means humanistic values sit at the centre of how I work, but I may also draw on different ideas where they help a client understand themselves more deeply. For me, integration does not mean collecting counselling techniques and applying them to everyone in the same way. It means staying open to the experiences of the person in front of me. Different clients bring different histories, personalities, defences, hopes, fears, and ways of making sense of themselves. What helps one person may not be what helps another. For example, a client might come to counselling because they are struggling with anxiety. But as the work develops, we may also begin to notice self-worth, emotional regulation, childhood patterns, relationships, shame, boundaries, the pressure to be seen as capable, or the belief that they must always cope. The aim is not to force everything into one theory. It is to work in a way that helps the client make more sense of their own experience. Humanistic counselling gives that work its foundation: the belief that the person matters, the relationship matters, and that meaningful change often begins when someone can understand themselves more honestly. Humanistic counselling is not about fixing you A lot of people come to counselling believing they are the problem. They may want to be fixed, sorted out, made less anxious, less angry, less needy, less sensitive, or easier to manage. Often, they have already spent a long time judging themselves before they ever sit in front of a counsellor. Humanistic counselling does not brush past the difficulties someone is having. Anxiety can be exhausting. Anger can damage relationships. Low self-esteem can shape choices, behaviour, and the way a person moves through life. These things are taken seriously, but they are not treated as the whole of who someone is. This is where humanistic counselling becomes interested in the wider picture. Anxiety might be linked with pressure, responsibility, people-pleasing, fear of getting things wrong, or years of feeling like you have to stay alert. Anger might be connected with hurt, shame, resentment, boundaries, or the feeling of not being heard. Low self-esteem might have developed through criticism, comparison, rejection, or learning to see yourself through other people’s eyes. Humanistic counselling is interested in these deeper connections. Not to excuse everything or avoid responsibility, but to understand the person more fully. Change is often more meaningful when someone can begin to understand what their difficulty is connected to, rather than only trying to push it away. The counselling relationship matters In humanistic counselling, the relationship between counsellor and client is central to the work. This is not just because it is helpful to have someone kind to talk to. It is because, in many ways, human beings are formed in relationships. We learn who we are through others. We learn whether our feelings are welcome or too much. We learn whether it is safe to speak, disagree, need, cry, be angry, be uncertain, or be seen. Many of the difficulties people bring to counselling are relational in some way. Even when someone comes with anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, grief, shame, or feeling stuck, those difficulties often connect to how they have been met by others, how they have learned to protect themselves, and how they now relate to themselves. A person may have learned to hide how they feel, please others, perform, defend, withdraw, attack, or stay quiet. They may have grown used to being misunderstood, criticised, controlled, dismissed, compared, or emotionally unseen. Over time, those experiences can shape how someone expects to be received by other people, including the counsellor. This is where the counselling relationship becomes part of the work itself. This is also a theme I explore in my book Life’s Three Fires: A Reflective Guide for Understanding Yourself, Others, and the Space Between. The book looks at how our emotional life is shaped not only by the self or by other people, but by the space that forms between us. Because of that, counselling is more than talking about life from a distance. It is also about what happens between two people in the room. Can you be honest here? Can you disagree? Can you feel sadness, anger, confusion, shame, or vulnerability without being rejected? Can you begin to notice how you relate to yourself and another person in real time? Over the last decade of working as a counsellor, I have often found that this becomes an important part of the work. The counselling relationship can offer a place where old patterns are noticed, understood, and slowly approached differently. Not because the counsellor becomes the answer, but because the relationship can help reveal how someone has learned to protect themselves, what they expect from others, and what might begin to change when they are met differently. Humanistic counselling and self-awareness One of the main aims of humanistic counselling is deeper self-awareness. This does not mean endlessly analysing yourself. It means becoming more aware of what is happening inside you, how you relate to others, and what you may have learned to avoid, silence, or protect. This kind of awareness is not always obvious at first. A person may come to counselling because they feel anxious, angry, low, stuck, or overwhelmed. Over time, they may begin to notice patterns they had not fully seen before: how quickly they take responsibility for others, how hard it is to say no, how often they dismiss their own feelings, or how strongly they react when they feel criticised, ignored, or not good enough. This is where humanistic counselling can become deeply thought-provoking. It does not only ask, “How do I get rid of this feeling?”. It may also ask, “What is this feeling connected to?”, “What has it been trying to protect?”, or “What might it be asking me to notice?”. Self-awareness does not solve everything on its own, but it can change the relationship a person has with themselves. Instead of simply reacting, avoiding, blaming, or pushing through, they may begin to understand what is happening with more clarity and choice. Humanistic counselling is not just about being listened to People often describe counselling as “having someone to talk to”. That is partly true, but humanistic counselling is more than being listened to kindly. Good listening is active, attentive, and emotionally engaged. It involves trying to understand the person’s world from the inside, rather than quickly judging it from the outside. But humanistic counselling can also involve careful challenge. A counsellor may notice patterns, contradictions, emotional shifts, avoidance, self-criticism, or the way someone speaks about themselves. They may help the client slow down and look more carefully at something that is being rushed past. For example, someone might say, “I know it does not matter”, while clearly seeming affected by what they are describing. Counselling may help them slow down and ask whether it matters more than they have allowed themselves to admit. Another person may say they are “fine”, while also describing years of resentment, tiredness, or feeling taken for granted. Rather than taking “fine” at face value, counselling can gently explore what has been left unsaid. Someone else may come in saying, “I just need to stop being angry”, when the work may also involve understanding what the anger is connected to, how it has been expressed, and what it has been costing them. This is not about forcing insight or trying to catch someone out. It is about creating enough safety, honesty, and reflection for something less rehearsed to emerge. That is often where the work becomes deeper, not because the counsellor gives the answer, but because the client begins to hear something in themselves that has been rushed past, dismissed, or hidden for a long time. How humanistic counselling can help Humanistic counselling can help by giving space to understand not only what you feel, but how you have come to feel it. Someone may come to counselling because they feel anxious, angry, low, overwhelmed, or stuck. The work may start there, but it often begins to open up wider questions about self-worth, relationships, responsibility, emotional awareness, boundaries, guilt, shame, or the way a person has learned to speak to themselves. This does not mean turning every difficulty into something complicated. Sometimes people do need practical support, clearer boundaries, or ways to regulate emotion. But in humanistic counselling, those things are usually explored in relation to the person as a whole. The aim is not to become a perfect version of yourself. It is to develop more self-awareness, more self-acceptance, and a clearer relationship with who you are, what you feel, and how you want to live. An example of humanistic counselling in practice Imagine someone comes to counselling because they feel responsible for everyone else. They may feel anxious when other people are upset, guilty when they say no, and exhausted from trying to keep everyone around them okay. On the surface, the issue might seem to be boundaries. Boundaries are very likely to be a large part of it. But humanistic counselling would also be interested in the person underneath the pattern. When did they learn that other people’s feelings were their responsibility? What happens inside them when someone is disappointed? What are they afraid would happen if they stopped fixing things? Do they feel valuable only when they are useful? What part of them has been ignored while they have been looking after everyone else? This kind of exploration can help the person understand the deeper emotional structure of the problem. The boundary is no longer just a technique. It becomes connected to self-worth, fear, identity, guilt, and the person’s relationship with themselves. That is often where meaningful change begins. As a person becomes more aware of what is happening inside them, they may begin to feel more connected to themselves, less driven by old patterns, and more able to live with congruence, self-acceptance, and belief in their choices. Humanistic counselling and personal growth Personal growth is often spoken about as if it means becoming happier, calmer, more confident, or more successful all the time. Humanistic counselling sees growth differently. Growth may involve developing a clearer relationship with yourself. It may involve grieving something you have avoided, recognising anger, sadness, fear, or need, or beginning to accept parts of yourself that you have spent a long time pushing away. It may also involve taking responsibility where you need to, while letting go of responsibility that was never really yours to hold. Sometimes growth is uncomfortable. It can mean realising that an old way of coping helped you survive, but now limits you. It can mean noticing that you have been performing a version of yourself that keeps other people comfortable, but leaves you feeling unseen. It can mean facing the gap between how you have learned to live and what feels more congruent with who you are now. Humanistic counselling does not promise quick fixes. Its focus is on process. It offers a space where these things can be explored with attention, curiosity, clarity, and depth. Is humanistic counselling right for me? Humanistic counselling may suit you if you do not only want to manage what is happening, but want to understand why it keeps happening, what it means, and how it connects to the way you relate to yourself and others. It may be helpful if:
Humanistic counselling is not about blaming yourself for everything. But it does involve a willingness to reflect on your part in your life, your relationships, and the patterns that keep repeating. That kind of self-awareness can be uncomfortable, but it is often where growth, self-acceptance, and congruence begin. Humanistic counselling may not always feel neat or easy, because human beings are not neat or easy. But it can offer a space where you begin to develop a clearer, more accepting, and less punishing relationship with yourself. Humanistic counselling in Weston-super-Mare I work as an integrative humanistic counsellor in Weston-super-Mare, offering face-to-face counselling, online counselling, and telephone counselling.
You do not need to arrive with everything neatly worked out. Some people come with a clear issue they want to talk about. Others come because something feels difficult to carry, and they need a space to begin making sense of it. An initial consultation gives us a chance to talk through what brings you to counselling, what you may be looking for, and whether working together feels like the right fit. If you are looking for humanistic counselling in Weston-super-Mare, or online counselling from a humanistic perspective, you are welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial consultation. George Fortune Counselling
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 "How do I stop being angry?"Many people search for anger management, anger counselling, or questions like “why am I so angry all the time?” because they are tired of how anger keeps coming out. It might be shouting, snapping, slamming doors, withdrawing, becoming sarcastic, needing to win, or saying things that are later regretted. For some, anger feels sudden and explosive. For others, it sits beneath the surface for days, weeks, or years, surfacing as irritation, resentment, criticism, or emotional distance. Some people ask, “How do I stop being so angry?” Others may be wondering why their partner, parent, colleague, or someone close to them always seems angry. However the question is asked, anger can become exhausting. It can affect relationships, family life, work, confidence, and the way someone feels about themselves afterwards.
And often, the people closest to them are the ones who feel the impact most. Anger itself is not the enemy. Anger is a natural emotion. It can tell us that something matters, that a boundary has been crossed, that something feels unfair, painful, threatening, or deeply wrong. The difficulty is not usually the feeling of anger itself. The difficulty is what can happen when anger turns into aggression, control, intimidation, blame, or repeated hurt. Anger is not the same as aggression Anger and aggression are often spoken about as if they are the same thing, but they are not.
Anger is something you feel. Aggression is something you do with that feeling. You can feel angry and still speak clearly. You can feel angry and still take responsibility for your behaviour. You can feel angry and still choose not to frighten, belittle, threaten, punish, or control another person. This is an important difference because it allows anger to be taken seriously without excusing aggressive behaviour. Anger may be trying to say that something matters, that something hurts, that something feels unfair, that you do not feel heard, or that something needs to change. Aggression may come out as shouting, blaming, name-calling, intimidation, contempt, threats, sarcasm, stonewalling, or physical harm. The emotion may be understandable. The behaviour still needs responsibility. That is not about shame. It is about honesty. If anger is hurting you, your relationships, your family, your work, or the people around you, it is worth slowing down and asking what is really happening. Why am I so angry all the time? If you feel angry all the time, it may not be because you are simply an “angry person”. Sometimes anger becomes the emotion that carries everything else.
As a humanistic counsellor, anger is not something to simply stamp out. It is something to understand. Not because every expression of anger is acceptable, but because anger often has a story.
That does not make aggressive behaviour okay. But it does mean that if you only focus on stopping the anger, without understanding what it is connected to, the deeper pattern may remain untouched. The useful side of anger Anger can have value. It can show us where a boundary has been crossed. It can tell us where resentment has built up. It can help us notice when something feels unfair, unsafe, or deeply out of balance. For many, anger is the first sign that they have been ignoring themselves for too long. They may have been accommodating, pleasing, tolerating, over-functioning, or keeping the peace. They may have told themselves it does not matter, that they should let it go, that they are being too sensitive, or that it is easier not to say anything. Then, eventually, anger arrives because something in them refuses to keep swallowing it. That anger may not come out well. It may be delivered too forcefully, too late, or towards the wrong person. But underneath it, there may be something important trying to be heard. In that sense, anger can be a form of protest. It can be the part of us that says no, this is not okay, I matter too, I cannot keep doing this, or something needs to change. The problem is not that this part exists. The problem is when it has to shout, attack, frighten, or take over in order to be heard. This is where anger needs attention rather than simple rejection. If anger is only suppressed, it may come back as resentment, bitterness, anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or sudden outbursts. But if anger is given too much control, it can damage trust, safety, and connection with other people. The work is not to get rid of that part of yourself, but to listen to it without letting it take over. Anger may have something important to say, but it still needs responsibility, reflection, and choice. When anger starts to harm relationships Anger becomes a problem when other people start having to organise themselves around it. This can happen in obvious ways, such as shouting, threats, insults, or physical aggression, but it can also happen in quieter ways. A partner may become careful about what they say. Children may learn to read the room before speaking. Friends may avoid certain subjects. Colleagues may hold back because they do not want the reaction. Someone close to you may feel as though they are always managing your mood. This is where anger can become relationally damaging. Not because anger is wrong, but because aggressive, unpredictable, or intimidating behaviour can make other people feel unsafe, small, anxious, or constantly on edge. If someone says they feel frightened, controlled, criticised, or unable to speak freely around your anger, that matters. The point is not to turn this into shame. Shame often makes people defend, minimise, or attack back. But the impact still needs to be taken seriously. Anger may have a reason, but it also has an effect. That effect matters, especially when it starts shaping how safe other people feel around you. Anger, expectations, and the stories we tell ourselves Anger often grows around expectations. Some expectations are clear and understandable. You might think, “They should not speak to me like that”, “I should not be treated this way”, or “I need more respect.” These expectations may be reasonable, especially if something genuinely unfair, dismissive, or harmful has happened. Other expectations are less obvious. You might find yourself thinking, “They should know what I need, I should not have to explain this again”, “If they cared, they would understand”, “They are doing this on purpose”, “I am being made to look stupid”, “I am losing control”, or “This is unfair.” The expectation may or may not be reasonable, but when anger is high, the mind can move very quickly from what happened to what it means. A late reply becomes “they do not care”. A disagreement becomes “they are attacking me”. A mistake becomes “they are useless”. A boundary becomes “they are rejecting me”. A request becomes “they are trying to control me.” The feeling may be real, but the meaning attached to it may need looking at. Anger can be shaped by interpretation, history, fear, shame, previous hurt, and old ways of protecting yourself. Sometimes the present moment has touched something much older than the situation in front of you. Counselling can help slow this down. Instead of only asking, “How do I stop being angry?”, the deeper questions might be: “What did this mean to me?”, “What did I expect to happen?”, “What did I feel was being threatened?”, “What did I need in that moment?”, and “What did I do with the feeling once it arrived?” That kind of reflection can create space between the emotion and the behaviour. It does not remove responsibility, but it can help you understand the route anger takes before it comes out. Anger, affect regulation, and the body Anger is not just a thought. It is physical. You may feel heat in your chest, tension in your jaw, pressure in your head, a clenched stomach, a faster heartbeat, or an urge to move, speak, defend, attack, leave, or prove your point. By the time anger is fully activated, it can feel as though your body is already ahead of you. This is where affect regulation matters. Affect regulation is a way of talking about how we manage, understand, and respond to emotional states. Put more simply, it is about what happens inside us when feelings become too much, too fast, or too hard to make sense of. With anger, this matters because the feeling can arrive quickly and powerfully. Before you have had time to think clearly, your body may already be preparing to defend, argue, shut down, walk away, or push back. This is why people often say things like “I saw red”, “I just snapped”, “It came out before I knew what I was saying”, or “I only realised afterwards how bad it sounded.” That does not remove responsibility. But it does help explain why anger work often needs to involve the body, not just thoughts. If your body is already preparing for conflict, it becomes much harder to listen, reflect, apologise, or choose your words carefully. Learning to work with anger often means learning to notice it earlier. The tight jaw. The faster breathing. The urge to interrupt. The need to win. The feeling that you must respond now. These early signs matter because they give you a better chance of pausing before anger becomes behaviour. Ways to regulate anger in the moment Breathing exercises do not solve anger on their own. They do not explain where the anger came from. They do not repair the impact of aggressive behaviour. They do not replace deeper emotional work. But they can sometimes help create enough space to choose what happens next. When anger is rising, the first aim is not to become perfectly calm. That may be too much to expect in the moment. The first aim is often more basic than that: to interrupt the escalation before anger becomes the only thing in charge. That might mean:
The point is not to suppress anger or pretend you are fine. It is to create a small gap between the feeling and the behaviour. Even a small pause can make all the difference. It can be the difference between saying what you feel and attacking the other person with it. Exploring where anger comes from Longer-term anger work is not only about calming down. It is also about understanding what anger has been doing for you. For the vast majority, anger has been protective. It may have helped them feel powerful at times when they actually felt powerless. It may have covered shame, hidden hurt, kept people at a distance, or become the only way they know how to be taken seriously. Anger can also be learned. Some people grew up around shouting, criticism, silence, intimidation, or emotional unpredictability. Others grew up in families where anger was not allowed at all, so it became hidden, indirect, turned inward, or expressed through resentment rather than words. Some people learn early that anger gets results. Some learn that anger is dangerous. Some learn to swallow anger until it leaks out later. Some attack themselves instead of expressing anger outwardly. This is why anger is rarely just about the present moment. The present may trigger it, but the emotional force behind it may be much older. A small disagreement, a critical comment, a feeling of being ignored, or a moment of rejection can sometimes touch something that has been sitting there for years. In counselling, this does not mean blaming the past for everything. It means becoming curious about why anger arrives with such force, why certain situations affect you so strongly, and what part of you may be trying to protect itself. The aim is not to excuse aggressive behaviour. It is to understand the emotional pattern well enough that you have more choice in how you respond. Anger, shame, and compassion-focused therapy Anger and shame often sit closer together than people realise. Sometimes anger comes out when someone feels criticised, exposed, rejected, humiliated, or not good enough. The anger may arrive quickly because shame can feel unbearable. It can be easier to attack than to feel small. It can be easier to blame than to feel hurt. It can be easier to defend than to admit that something has touched a vulnerable place. This is where compassion-focused therapy can be useful. Compassion-focused therapy is not about excusing harmful behaviour or letting yourself off the hook. It is about understanding threat, shame, self-criticism, and the struggle to soothe yourself when emotions become intense. For some people, anger is linked to a threat-based way of living. They may be constantly scanning for criticism, disrespect, rejection, unfairness, or failure. Their system is ready to defend before they have had time to reflect. A comment can feel like an attack. A disagreement can feel like humiliation. A mistake can feel like proof that they are not good enough. Compassion is not about becoming soft in the sense of being weak or passive. It is about being able to meet yourself with enough honesty and steadiness that you do not need to attack yourself, or someone else, quite so quickly. In counselling, this might mean learning to ask what has been triggered, what feels shameful, what you are trying to protect, and what a steadier part of you might say in that moment. It might also mean asking what responsibility would look like without turning it into self-attack. That kind of work can be difficult, especially if anger has become your quickest defence. But it can also create more space between shame and reaction, so anger does not have to move so quickly into attack, blame, or withdrawal. Communication styles and anger Anger often comes out through the way we communicate. For some people, it comes out directly and forcefully through shouting, criticising, blaming, interrupting, intimidating, or trying to win the conversation. For others, anger is less obvious. It may come through silence, sarcasm, short replies, withdrawal, digs, or a coldness that says more than the words themselves. Some people do the opposite. They swallow anger, say they are fine, avoid conflict, and hope the other person will somehow realise what is wrong. The anger does not disappear. It often becomes resentment, distance, or a sudden reaction later on. This is why communication matters in anger work. Anger often needs a voice, but not every voice is helpful. There is a difference between expressing anger and using anger to overpower, punish, or frighten someone. Assertiveness is not about being cold, selfish, or harsh. It is about being clear, honest, and boundaried while still respecting the other person. For someone who struggles with anger, this can feel unfamiliar. It may seem too soft, too exposed, or too risky, especially if anger has become the quickest way to feel heard or protected. Assertiveness might sound like, “I feel angry, but I do not want to shout”, “I need to pause this and come back to it”, “I felt hurt by what happened, and I want to talk about it properly”, “I do not agree with you, but I am listening”, or “I need to say this clearly, without attacking you.” The point is not to become perfectly calm or endlessly reasonable. The point is to find a way of expressing anger without using it to overpower the other person. Assertiveness can become the middle ground between swallowing anger and throwing it at someone. Active listening, paraphrasing, and anger When anger is high, people often stop listening properly. They may be hearing the words, but underneath, they are preparing to defend themselves, correct the other person, find the weak point, or prove that they are right. This is understandable, especially when someone feels attacked, criticised, or misunderstood. But it usually makes conflict worse. The conversation becomes less about understanding each other and more about winning, defending, or surviving the moment. Active listening can help slow things down. It does not mean agreeing with everything. It does not mean letting someone else dominate the conversation. It means making a serious attempt to understand what the other person is actually saying before reacting to it. Paraphrasing can be especially useful here because it gives you a chance to check whether you have understood the other person properly. It can also stop you from reacting to what you think they meant, rather than what they were actually trying to say. For example, you might say, “So what I’m hearing is that you felt ignored when I walked away”, “You’re saying it was not just what I said, but the way I said it”, “You felt like I was dismissing you”, or “You want me to understand that this has been building for a while.” This can feel unnatural at first. It can even feel irritating when you are angry, because part of you may want to defend yourself immediately. But paraphrasing can interrupt the usual pattern. It slows the conversation down and gives both people a better chance of feeling heard. It also makes it harder to stay locked in attack and defence. Sometimes, a small sentence like “Have I understood you properly?” can change the direction of a conversation, because it shows that the aim is no longer just to win the argument. The aim is to understand what is happening between you. How counselling can help with anger Counselling for anger is not simply about being told to calm down. Most people already know they should not shout, threaten, snap, criticise, or say things they later regret. The harder question is why it keeps happening, what the anger is connected to, and how to respond differently when emotion is high. In my counselling work, I am not interested in shaming anger out of someone. I am interested in what anger is connected to, what it protects, what it costs, what it is trying to say, and how it can be expressed without becoming aggressive, frightening, or damaging. Humanistic counselling gives space to explore anger as part of the whole person. Not as a bad part to cut off, but as a powerful emotional signal that needs understanding, responsibility, and integration. This may involve exploring your past, your relationships, your expectations, your communication style, your shame, your self-worth, your emotional regulation, and the moments where anger seems to take over. It may also involve learning how to pause, repair, apologise, listen, and speak more clearly. The aim is not to become someone who never gets angry. The aim is to have a different relationship with anger, where you can listen to it, take responsibility for it, and express it without causing unnecessary harm. When to consider counselling for anger It may be worth considering counselling for anger if some of this feels familiar:
If anger has started affecting your relationships, confidence, family life, or sense of self, you do not have to wait until things become worse before talking it through. I offer counselling in Weston-super-Mare, as well as online and telephone counselling. If this feels close to what you are experiencing, you are welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial consultation. George Fortune Counselling Author of: Life's Three Fires  Many people look for help with work stress, burnout, or anxiety at work because they feel worn down, irritable, tense, or unable to switch off. At first, it can seem like the problem is simply having too much to do. Too many emails. Too many demands. Too many deadlines. Too many people needing something from you. But work stress is not always just about being busy. Sometimes it starts to affect how you feel about yourself. You may begin to doubt your ability, question your confidence, or feel as though you are failing. You might still be turning up, getting things done, and looking capable from the outside, while inside you feel tired, disconnected, anxious, or close to burning out. When work starts affecting your confidence, relationships, mood, sleep, or sense of self, it is no longer just a work issue. It has become something more personal. This is often where counselling for work stress can be helpful, not because it gives you quick answers, but because it gives you space to understand what the pressure is doing to you. When work stress becomes personal One of the hardest parts of work stress is how easily it can become tied to self-worth. At first, you may think: “I have too much on.” Then it can become: “I’m not coping.” Then, more painfully: “What is wrong with me?” This is often where stress becomes much heavier. You are no longer only dealing with pressure from work. You are also dealing with shame, guilt, self-criticism, and the feeling that you should somehow be managing better. From a humanistic counselling perspective, this matters. You are not a machine. You are not just there to perform, produce, cope, and carry on. You are a person with feelings, limits, needs, relationships, and a need for meaning and purpose. When those things are ignored for too long, something in us starts to suffer. Practical stress management techniques can be useful, especially when pressure has built up over time. However, sometimes stress is not only something to manage. Sometimes it is something to understand. Burnout and losing touch with yourself Burnout is often described as exhaustion, low motivation, irritability, anxiety, poor concentration, or feeling emotionally detached. But beneath those words, it can feel like slowly losing touch with yourself. You might stop knowing what you need. You might find it harder to tell whether you feel angry, sad, anxious, overwhelmed, or simply numb. You might spend so much time responding to work, pressure, and other people’s needs that your own inner world becomes harder to hear. This is one reason work stress can affect home life. You may leave work physically, but not emotionally. Your body is at home, but your mind is still replaying conversations, worrying about tomorrow, or carrying the day's pressure. You might become snappy with people you love. You might withdraw. You might feel guilty about not being fully present. You might want space, but then feel lonely. You might care deeply about your family or partner, but feel as though work has already taken the best of you before you get home. That can be one of the painful parts of work stress. It does not just affect how you feel at work. It can begin to affect how available you feel in the rest of your life. Work stress, anxiety, and emotional regulation When you are under constant pressure, emotional regulation becomes harder. Small things can feel bigger. Feedback can feel more personal. A short message from work can make your stomach drop. A difficult conversation can stay with you for hours. You might find yourself replaying what was said, wondering whether you handled it badly, or bracing yourself for the next problem before it has even happened. Over time, this can leave you feeling constantly on alert. You may notice yourself becoming more reactive than usual. You might snap, shut down, over-explain, apologise too quickly, or say yes before you have had time to think. Then later, when you have had space to reflect, you may feel guilty, embarrassed, or frustrated with yourself. This is not about being weak. It is often what happens when there has been very little room to settle, pause, or properly process what you are feeling. In counselling, this is sometimes spoken about as affect regulation, which simply means how we manage, understand, and respond to our emotional states. Put more plainly, it is about what happens inside us when feelings become too much, too fast, or too hard to make sense of. If your mind and body are always preparing for the next demand, the next email, the next criticism, or the next thing going wrong, it becomes much harder to respond calmly and clearly. You are not just dealing with the situation in front of you. You are also dealing with everything that has built up around it. Counselling can help you slow that process down. Not by forcing yourself to be calm all the time, or by pretending things do not affect you, but by starting to understand what is happening inside you. What are you feeling? What are you ignoring? What are you carrying? What are you afraid would happen if you stopped, said no, or admitted that something feels too much? From a humanistic counselling perspective, emotional regulation is not about becoming unaffected. It is about becoming more aware of yourself. It is about noticing what your emotions are trying to show you, rather than only judging yourself for having them. Sometimes work stress is not only about asking “How do I cope better?” Sometimes it is asking, “What do I need to listen to?” Or even “What have I been trying not to feel?” Communication and boundaries at work When stress builds up internally, it often begins to show itself in how we communicate. You might not notice it straight away. At first, you may simply feel tense, tired, or fed up. But over time, that pressure can begin to shape how you respond to other people.
Assertiveness is different. Assertiveness is not about being cold, selfish, or uncaring. It is about being honest and boundaried while still respecting the other person. For many people, work stress is not only about workload. It is also about the fear of disappointing others or themselves, the difficulty of saying no, and the pressure to be seen as reliable, capable, helpful, or easy to work with. That can be especially hard if you have spent much of your life being the one who sorts things out, keeps the peace, or does not make a fuss. In that sense, communication at work is not just about technique. It can reveal something deeper about responsibility, guilt, fear, self-worth, and the roles we have learned to take up with other people. The drama triangle at work Workplaces can also pull people into familiar emotional roles. You might become the rescuer, always stepping in, fixing things, absorbing pressure, and taking responsibility for everyone else. On the surface, this can look helpful. Underneath, it can leave you exhausted, resentful, or unsure where your responsibility ends. You might feel like the victim, trapped, unheard, powerless, or unable to change anything. You may feel stuck in the job, stuck with the workload, stuck with certain people, or stuck with the belief that nothing will change. You might experience others as persecutors, seeing managers, colleagues, clients, or systems as constantly demanding, critical, unfair, or impossible to please. Under pressure, these roles can become easy to slip into. Not because there is something wrong with you, but because stress can narrow your sense of choice. You may start reacting from habit, fear, guilt, or frustration rather than from a clearer sense of what you actually want to do. The aim is not to blame yourself. It is to become more aware of the pattern you are in and begin to find a little more choice.
This is where the Drama Triangle and Winner’s Triangle can be useful, because they offer a way of noticing the roles we fall into and how we might begin to move out of them. That kind of change is not always easy, but it can be deeply important. It can change not only how you respond at work, but how much of yourself you lose trying to survive it. How counselling can help with work stress and burnout. |
AuthorGeorge Fortune BSc (Hons), MBACP, MNCPS (Acc.). Archives
May 2026
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Counselling in Weston Super Mare and North Somerset. George Fortune Counselling
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George Fortune Counselling07462 110948 |
Mission Statement
Providing confidential, empathic & professional counselling and therapeutic intervention.
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