Improving Mental Wellbeing

Let’s face it.. we all have moments when emotions get the better of us. Maybe someone says something that stings, or you feel shut down in a conversation, and suddenly you’re spiralling. The question is: who’s really responsible for how we feel?

The truth sits somewhere between how we’re spoken to, and how we manage our inner world. This blog’s all about emotional regulation, taking offence, and the gentle art of setting boundaries, through both a cognitive behavioural and humanistic lens.

What Is Emotional Regulation, Really?
Emotional regulation is the ability to understand, manage, and respond to your emotional experiences in a healthy and constructive way. In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), we often talk about identifying triggers, recognising the thoughts behind emotional reactions, and developing strategies like deep breathing, reframing, or grounding to regain balance.

But from a humanistic counselling perspective, emotional regulation isn’t just about control, it’s about awareness. It’s being present with your feelings without judgement. Carl Rogers, founder of person-centred therapy, spoke about creating a space where we can experience ourselves fully, with compassion rather than criticism.

The goal isn’t to suppress emotions or pretend they’re not there. It’s to recognise them as valid and then choose how to respond in alignment with who you are and what matters to you. Emotional regulation, then, becomes an act of integrity, managing your reactions in a way that honours your needs and your values.

You might feel triggered and that’s okay. But you still have choices about what happens next.

Taking Offence: A Reaction or a Boundary Signal?
Sometimes we feel offended. It's natural. But the next step is key, do we stay stuck in the feeling, or use it as information?

Taking offence can feel sharp, visceral and like a reflex. In a world that’s increasingly quick to call out, shut down, or cancel, it’s important to ask: what’s really happening here?

• Sometimes, feeling offended is about our own unmet needs, old wounds, or personal insecurities that have been touched, even unintentionally.

 

• Other times, it's a signal that a boundary has been crossed,  emotionally, intellectually, or relationally, and that your sense of self or safety has been disrupted.

This is where emotional regulation and self-awareness come in. In CBT, we’d pause and explore the internal narrative:

“What thought just ran through my mind? What belief was triggered?”

Maybe the offence was tied to a core belief like “I’m not respected” or “I don’t belong.” That insight helps separate reaction from reality.

In humanistic therapy, we might instead ask, “What part of you is hurting right now?”, bringing a gentler, more compassionate presence to the experience. We look beneath the surface to uncover whether the offence is rooted in shame, grief, fear, or the longing to feel heard or valued. The key is presence, not judgement.

So, Who’s Responsible for What?
Emotions are contagious. So are pitch/tone, body language, and unconscious projections can all influence our emotional state. But even when feelings are flying and wires are crossed, it’s important to slow the whole thing down and ask: “What part of this is mine to own?”
Here’s a clearer breakdown:

Your Responsibility:

• Managing your emotions: Your emotional responses are within your control, and it’s up to you to manage how you react. You can pause, reflect, and choose how to respond to a trigger, rather than reacting impulsively.

 

• Setting boundaries: It’s your job to set clear and healthy boundaries with others, ensuring that your emotional, physical, and intellectual needs are respected.

 

• Choosing your response: How you respond to situations, including how you regulate your emotions, is your responsibility. Whether you use calming techniques or decide to step away from a heated conversation, it’s up to you.

 

• Self-awareness: Understanding your triggers, emotional reactions, and underlying beliefs is your responsibility. This insight can help you respond more intentionally.

 

• Clarifying your needs: It’s your responsibility to communicate your emotional needs clearly, especially when you're feeling impacted or triggered.

Other Person’s Responsibility:

• How they communicate: The other person is responsible for how they deliver their message. If their words or actions are harsh or inappropriate, that’s on them.

 

• Respecting boundaries: Others must respect the boundaries you’ve set. If they cross a line, they’re responsible for that violation.

 

• Their actions or behaviour: While you’re in control of how you respond, the other person is responsible for their actions. If they act aggressively or insensitively, they need to take accountability for that.

 

• Listening and understanding: The other person should listen to your needs, acknowledge your emotional state, and respond with empathy and respect.

Your Side of the Street
You can’t stop emotions from rising, but you can choose what you do with them. Emotional regulation isn’t about being unbothered; it’s about being in charge of your inner world, even when things feel chaotic.

That might mean:

• Pressing pause instead of snapping back.
• Asking yourself “What is this reminding me of?” before reacting.
• Naming a boundary rather than ghosting someone.
• Journaling, talking to a counsellor, or taking a walk to process, instead of projecting it outward

And if you’ve lashed out, gone silent, or misread something? Owning that matters too. Responsibility doesn’t mean blame, it means having response-ability.

Their Side of the Street
Other people are responsible for how they deliver their thoughts, opinions, and feelings. If someone comes at you with sarcasm, aggression, or condescension, that’s on them. If they ignore your boundaries or mock your emotions, that’s not your emotional failure, it’s theirs.

Someone might not intend harm, but the impact still matters. And if they care, they’ll want to hear you out, not gaslight you, shift the blame, or make it about their discomfort.

You don’t have to regulate your response to protect someone from the natural consequences of their behaviour.

But What About Grey Areas?
As we all know, it’s rarely black and white. Maybe their tone was sharp, but you were already activated from something that happened earlier. Maybe you’re over-apologising for expressing a valid need, or feeling guilty for being offended even when something genuinely crossed a line.

This is where nuance matters. Humanistic therapy reminds us we’re complex beings, full of past experiences, unconscious fears, and deep needs for connection and safety. CBT helps us untangle what's thought, what's fact, and what's feeling.

In the overlap, we find this truth: you are not responsible for everything,  but you are responsible for your part. That’s how trust is built. That’s how boundaries get respected. And that’s how emotional safety is created, not just for you, but for everyone you’re in relationship with.

So, what do you do with that feeling?
Rather than jumping to blame or shame, either inwardly or outwardly, you can:

• Pause and reflect: Is this about what was said, how it was said, or what it reminded you of?
• Acknowledge your feelings: Even if you’re not sure they’re “justified,” they’re real, and that matters.
• Be curious, not reactive: What’s the need underneath the offence? Is it to be respected, understood, protected?
• Communicate assertively: if it’s safe and appropriate, not to accuse, but to bring clarity and mutual understanding.

Offence doesn’t have to lead to conflict. It can lead to connection, if it’s processed with awareness and expressed with respect.

Feeling offended doesn’t always mean someone’s done something wrong. But it always means there’s something inside you worth listening to.

It might be an opportunity to set a boundary, share a vulnerability, or heal something deeper. Or, it might simply be a moment to regulate, recalibrate, and return to the present, with more understanding of yourself than before.

In the wider context of relational dynamics, taking offence can also point to mismatched expectations, unspoken needs, or cultural or emotional blind spots. The feeling itself is valid, but how you make meaning of it, and what you choose to do with it, is where growth lives.

Bringing It All Together

• Managing emotions doesn’t mean bottling them up, it means tending to them with awareness and care.
• Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s how we protect what’s sacred to us, and how we teach others to treat us.
• Feeling offended isn’t a flaw, it’s a signpost. It may point to an old wound, a hidden value, or a moment that deserves more attention.
• Healthy communication isn’t about being right, it’s about being real and authentic, even when it’s hard.

Emotional regulation is a practice, not a performance. You don’t have to get it “right” every time. You just need to notice, pause, and choose, even if that choice is simply to come back to the conversation later, with a clearer heart.

When we learn to slow down and sit with our emotions, not push them away or let them spill out unchecked, we start to build trust within ourselves. From that place, boundaries become clearer, conversations become braver, and relationships become more nourishing.

It’s not always easy. Some days you’ll nail it; other days you’ll miss the mark. But every moment is an opportunity to come back to yourself, to take ownership without shame, and to express what’s true with kindness and courage.

Because the real goal isn’t emotional perfection, it’s emotional presence.
So next time you feel the heat rise, or the sting of offence, or the urge to run or rage, breathe. Ask yourself what’s yours to hold, what needs to be said, and how you can stay anchored in your values.

And remember: you’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to have feelings. And you’re allowed to protect your peace while still staying open to connection. That’s the heart of regulation, of boundaries, and of honest, human communication.

If you feel this is an area of difficulty for you and would like to explore this further, feel free to reach out and get in touch! 

George Fortune Counselling
Humanistic Counsellor in Weston-super-Mare

When it comes to trauma therapy, no two recovery journeys are identical. The effects of trauma can run deep, affecting not only our emotional health but also our relationships, work, and overall sense of safety in the world. If you have found yourself searching for effective ways to address PTSD, phobias, or unresolved emotional pain, you may have come across Rewind Therapy.

If not, allow this to be your introduction to one of the most promising developments in modern trauma counselling. Pioneered by Dr David Muss, Rewind Therapy offers a powerful, compassionate method for healing emotional wounds. It provides a structured, yet gentle, pathway for individuals looking to move beyond the grip of PTSD symptoms, phobias, and traumatic memories, and to regain a sense of autonomy over their lives.

What is Rewind Therapy?
Rewind Therapy (sometimes known informally as the "Fast Phobia Cure") is a non-intrusive, highly effective technique that belongs to the broader family of trauma therapy approaches. However, it stands apart from more traditional methods in one key way: it does not require clients to verbally revisit the traumatic experience in detail.

Rather than recounting painful memories (which can often re-traumatise individuals), Rewind Therapy invites the person to engage in a safe, guided visualisation. During this process, they "view" the traumatic memory as though watching a movie from a distance, gradually diminishing its emotional power.

Over a series of steps, the brain learns to refile the memory in a way that feels safe and non-threatening. The event is not forgotten, it simply loses its ability to trigger overwhelming reactions such as anxiety, panic, or terror.

This ability to gently "detach" from the trauma without erasing the memory is what makes Rewind Therapy particularly effective for those seeking PTSD counselling or phobia treatment. For many, it offers a dignified route to healing where the individual remains in control at every stage.

How Rewind Therapy supports recovery from PTSD, Phobias, and Trauma
The impact of unresolved trauma can reverberate through every corner of a person’s life. Individuals living with PTSD often experience flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, emotional numbness, and difficulty maintaining relationships. Meanwhile, those grappling with phobias may find their world shrinking as they go to greater lengths to avoid feared situations or objects.

Traditional talk therapies, while extremely beneficial, can sometimes struggle to reach the root of trauma, particularly when clients are reluctant or unable to revisit distressing memories. Here is where Rewind Therapy excels.

By allowing the emotional intensity of traumatic memories to be neutralised, Rewind Therapy gives people the chance to heal without becoming overwhelmed. Research and clinical practice have shown it to be particularly effective for:

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Helping individuals process traumatic experiences safely, reducing symptoms such as flashbacks, avoidance behaviours, and emotional dysregulation.
• Phobia treatment: Whether it is a fear of flying, needles, enclosed spaces, or public speaking, Rewind Therapy can reduce the power of the fear response significantly.
• Single-event trauma: Incidents such as car accidents, assaults, or sudden losses can be processed efficiently, allowing the person to move forward without the trauma dominating their mental landscape.

Perhaps most importantly, Rewind Therapy restores a sense of agency. Clients are no longer at the mercy of their memories; instead, they reclaim ownership over how they respond to them.

How Rewind Therapy and Humanistic Therapy work together
If you are familiar with Humanistic Therapy, you might be wondering how a structured technique like Rewind fits alongside a model that prioritises self-direction and personal growth.

At first glance, they may seem quite different. Humanistic approaches, such as Person-Centred Therapy or Gestalt Therapy, are deeply rooted in empathy, unconditional positive regard, and helping individuals connect with their authentic selves. They seek to empower, rather than 'fix'.
However, Rewind Therapy and Humanistic Therapy are far from incompatible. In fact, they often complement each other beautifully when integrated thoughtfully into trauma therapy.

While Humanistic Therapy provides the emotional groundwork, a safe, accepting environment where clients can explore their feelings and experiences, Rewind Therapy offers a focused intervention to resolve the overwhelming symptoms of trauma.

Think of it this way: Humanistic Therapy nurtures the soil, helping growth and healing to occur organically, while Rewind Therapy clears the stones and weeds that may be preventing that growth. By reducing the emotional load of traumatic memories, Rewind Therapy frees the individual to engage more fully in deeper self-exploration and personal development.

Many modern trauma-informed practitioners, including myself, integrate these methods to offer a holistic and personalised path to healing.

Frequently Asked Questions about Rewind Therapy
If you’re considering Rewind Therapy for trauma, PTSD counselling, or phobia treatment, here are some of the most common things people want to know:

How many sessions does Rewind Therapy take?

• Many people notice a real difference after just one to three sessions.
• The exact number can vary depending on the complexity of the trauma and whether it’s combined with other types of therapy.

Is Rewind Therapy safe?

• Yes, Rewind Therapy is considered very safe.
• It avoids forcing you to relive traumatic experiences verbally, lowering the risk of feeling overwhelmed or re-traumatised.
• You stay fully in control throughout the session.

Can Rewind Therapy help with complex trauma?

• It’s highly effective for single-event trauma and phobias.
• For complex trauma (like long-term childhood trauma), it can be part of a broader, more holistic treatment plan.
• Many therapists integrate it with Humanistic Therapy or Person-Centred Therapy to offer deeper emotional support.

What does a typical Rewind Therapy session look like?

• Sessions start with a relaxation exercise to create a sense of calm.
• You’ll then visualise the traumatic memory safely, like watching a film.
• You’re guided to 'rewind' the memory in a special way that helps reframe it without re-experiencing distress.
• You don’t have to speak about the memory in detail if you don’t want to.

Final thoughts: Is Rewind Therapy right for you?
Choosing to engage in trauma therapy or PTSD counselling is a courageous decision, one that often marks the beginning of profound change. If you are living with the ongoing effects of trauma, experiencing PTSD symptoms, or finding that phobias are limiting your life, Rewind Therapy could provide a way forward.

Its non-intrusive nature makes it especially suitable for individuals who find talking therapies overwhelming or who prefer a more private, contained approach to healing.

Whether used as a standalone technique or as part of a broader, integrated therapy plan, Rewind Therapy has the potential to change lives. By offering a safe, effective means of processing trauma, it allows many people to rediscover a sense of peace, resilience, and hope for the future.

If you would like to know more about how Rewind Therapy could support your healing journey, or to explore effective phobia treatment and PTSD counselling options tailored to your needs, I warmly invite you to get in touch with me. The first step may feel daunting, but it could be the beginning of the life you truly deserve.

George Fortune Counselling

How do you see the world? Is it full of possibility or brimming with disappointment? Do you lean towards hope, or prepare for the worst just in case?

It’s easy to dismiss these personality quirks as just "how you are", but the truth is, our outlook on life runs far deeper. It shapes how we connect with others, how we handle failure, and even how we care for ourselves. It’s woven into the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what’s possible, and what the world expects of us.

As a counsellor in Weston-super-Mare, I often work with clients who feel stuck in a cycle of negative thinking, whether that’s pessimism, cynicism, or simply feeling disconnected from hope. These outlooks often reveal themselves quietly, sometimes disguised as anxiety, hopelessness, or relentless striving. Yet underneath, they speak to the core of our human experience: the ways we try to protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, and sometimes even from hope.

This article explores how our mindset is shaped, how it affects mental well-being, and how counselling can help shift unhelpful thought patterns.

Where Does Our Outlook on Life Come From?

No one wakes up one morning and chooses to be a pessimist or optimist. These perspectives build slowly, often without us noticing. They’re shaped by our earliest experiences, and what we were taught about safety, trust, failure, and success. If your childhood was filled with uncertainty or unpredictability, you may have learned early on that expecting the worst was safer than being hopeful and getting hurt.

Likewise, growing up around positivity, emotional support, and stability can make optimism feel like the natural setting of your mind. But it’s not just family. Culture, education, peer groups, and even the media we consume play a part. Over time, this forms the lens through which we view life, and it’s so familiar, so automatic, that we rarely question it.

The field of cognitive psychology has long explored how these outlooks become ingrained. Aaron Beck, the founder of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), identified what he called "cognitive distortions", unhelpful patterns of thinking that reinforce negative beliefs. These include catastrophizing (expecting the worst), black-and-white thinking, and discounting the positive. The good news? These distortions can be challenged and reshaped.

The Different Ways We See the World

Pessimism – The Heavy Weight of Expecting the Worst
Pessimism is often treated like a flaw, something to fix. But in my counselling practice, I see it for what it often is, a form of self-protection. If you’ve been let down too many times, it makes sense that you’d start expecting the worst. There’s a strange kind of comfort in preparing for disaster, it feels like control.

The problem is, that living in this constant state of low expectations slowly wears you down. Pessimism doesn’t just shape your thoughts, it changes your body. Research from the Mayo Clinic suggests that chronic pessimism is linked to higher levels of cortisol (often referred to as the stress hormone), which over time can contribute to anxiety, depression, and even cardiovascular disease.

One approach used in therapy is cognitive restructuring, where we gently challenge the assumptions underlying pessimistic thoughts. This doesn’t mean forcing optimism but rather looking at evidence: has every outcome truly been as bad as you expected? Can you recall times when things turned out better? Slowly, this process helps create more balanced thinking.

Optimism – The Power and Pitfalls of Hope
Optimism is often celebrated as the key to happiness, success, and emotional resilience. Research from psychologist Martin Seligman, a pioneer in Positive Psychology, found that optimists are not only more resilient but also tend to live longer and experience lower levels of stress-related illness.

However, optimism isn’t a cure-all. When it slips into denial, sometimes called toxic positivity, it can invalidate real struggles. Clients often describe feeling pressured to "just think positive," which can make them feel unheard and isolated in their suffering.

True optimism isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about holding onto hope while being honest about reality. One way to cultivate this is through self-compassion, an approach rooted in the work of psychologist Kristin Neff. It allows us to acknowledge pain while still believing in our ability to navigate it.

Cynicism – When Hope Turns to Armour
Cynicism often starts where idealism ends. It’s the scar tissue that forms when hope is repeatedly betrayed. Many of my clients in North Somerset come to therapy with a deep-rooted cynicism, believing it’s safer to expect the worst than to be disappointed again.

Beneath cynicism often lies grief, the loss of something deeply hoped for. Therapy can offer a space to process these disappointments and explore whether that protective layer of cynicism is still serving a purpose, or if it’s keeping joy, trust, and connection at arm’s length.

Strategies for Shifting Your Outlook
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• Awareness: The first step in changing your outlook is recognising the patterns. Journaling, mindfulness, or working with a therapist can help uncover unconscious beliefs.

• Challenging Thought Patterns: Using CBT techniques, we can question automatic negative thoughts and replace them with more balanced perspectives.

• Self-Compassion Practices: Learning to treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend can soften harsh self-judgment and foster resilience

• Gratitude & Perspective-Shifting: Research shows that even small shifts in focus, such as writing down three positive things each day, can retrain the brain over time.

• Therapeutic Exploration: Sometimes, deeper exploration is needed to understand how past experiences shaped your outlook. Humanistic counselling offers a space to gently explore these roots.

Can Counselling Help Change Your Outlook on Life?

The most hopeful truth is this: your outlook is not a life sentence. It is not your identity. It is simply a pattern, a lens-shaped by experience. And like any pattern, it can change.

As a humanistic counsellor in Weston-super-Mare, I offer a space to explore these outlooks, where they came from, how they affect your life, and whether they still serve you. Sometimes, it’s about loosening the grip of pessimism or cynicism, making space for something lighter. Other times, it’s about learning that hope doesn’t have to mean vulnerability to pain.

Growth doesn’t come from forcing change, but from understanding, and with understanding comes choice.

Ready to Explore a New Perspective?
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many people in Weston-super-Mare and North Somerset are walking through life carrying invisible stories, often heavier than they realise. If you’d like to explore yours, I’d love to help.

George Fortune Counselling